Christmas, Christmas
by theguywhohasaname
Summary: Last minute Christmas shopping, a rather large Relena, Wufei's inflatable girlfriend, and Heero milking a cow, squirrel hunting, cars breaking down, bad motels, John Deeres, allergies, fishing, and even Disney Land! Read and review!!!
1. Last Minute Shopping

HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA!!! Oh yeah, I almost forgot... ETC!!! Guess what? I am far too happy.... I am absolutely ecstatic to the trillionth power! It's amazing what a few songs by Cledus T. Judd and a little plastic Duo Maxwell can do for your mood... I'm about to do my first fanfic written to a song. Hehehe... A whole series starting out with a few chapters written to songs. Well, this one's gonna be written to Cledus T. Judds 'Christmas'. Um... The next few paragraphs are warnings and the cast listing and stuff.  
  
By the way... This might contain just a teeeeeeeny bit of Shounen Ai and Yaoi. There's some language too. It, if successful, will also contain enough comedy to make you fall off your seat. So now it's time for Christmas, Gundam Wing style!  
  
// // = Songs lyrics  
  
= Thoughts  
  
Partial Cast Listing  
  
= career, () = authors notes  
  
Quarter Rhubarb Loser Owner of a Large Business - Quatre Raberba Winner  
  
Trowel Carton Hardware Store Owner - Trowa Barton  
  
Heero Yuy (I couldn't think of anything all that great for Heeros name) Um... He's Heero - Heero Yuy  
  
Gufei (Pronounced goofy) Train Railroad Tycoon - Wufei Chang  
  
Duo Maxwell (His name is absolutely perfect, just like the rest of him. Well, that and I couldn't think of anything good for his name.) Owner of a Coffee Company - Duo Maxwell  
  
Silly Mo Strange Hillbilly Girl - Sally Po  
  
Tubarsuv Sohope owner of a soap company, Doves main competitor - Tubarov  
  
Coward a terrified person - Howard  
  
Doggy Stay mad dog trainer - Doctor J  
  
Munster Scarpian rejected Munster - Minister Darlian  
  
Auto Man lost in Oz with Dorothy - Otto  
  
Miller owner of the Miller beer company - Muller  
  
Trace ShishKebab Stencil Maker And World-Famous Chef - Treize  
  
Mallard Pieceocrap / Stretch Markings A Fat Duck - Milliardo Peacecraft / Zechs Merquise  
  
Reelina (Pronounced reel in a) Pieceocrap A Stupid And Annoying Bitch - Relena Peacecraft  
  
The Duke of Earl The Duke of Earl - Duke Dermail  
  
Brady One Android Designed to Look Like One of The Brady Bunch - Lady Une  
  
Ihatesya (Pronounced I hates ya) Boing Bouncy Cereal Killer - Lucrezia Noin  
  
Stillday Ornight Not-Very-Intelligent Clock Maker - Hilde  
  
Radish MukramaLeader of The Backpack - Rashid  
  
Caffeine Owner of Cocaine Cola - Catherine  
  
Please don't sue me if I made a huge amount of mispellings! I got some spellings from other peoples fanfics, some from toy boxes, some I just guessed at, etc.  
  
Gundams  
  
All of the gundams have retained their names 'cause I haven't been able to think of anything for 'em.  
  
Here we go!  
  
Quarter drove towards Wal Mart as fast as he could. "Ugh... Wow, look at how fast I'm going. A whole two miles an hour! I'm really flying now!" He said, his voice absolutely drenched in sarcasm. Well... I guess it's worth it, as long as I get something really great for Trowel. And of course the other guys, too! He thought to himself with a slight blush. "I could just get him a tie or something." The blond boy laughed at that thought.  
  
// I don't want another fruit cake,  
  
I don't need another ugly tie, no//  
  
Quarter finally arrived at the large store and got out of his car. "Crap... Why did I have to wait until the last minute? I guess it's cause of work... Those bastards... Erm, I mean, those nice gentleman FINALLY decided to close my deal, but only as long as I was there. Half way across the world. For an entire MONTH!!! I don't know why it took a month to sign a piece of paper. I guess they must have had a hell of a time getting a translator willing to read them the fine print." The boy ran towards the front doors. "Well, I normally wouldn't even consider doing this... I wouldn't even consider this under extreme conditions! But this is worse than extreme. It's Christmas! So I'll do it."  
  
//Heard they had a sale on go-carts,  
  
down at Wal-Mart, ho ho, goodbye//  
  
Quarter pulled out the small handgun and postal workers cap from his pocket. He put the cap on his head and ran inside with the gun. "I'm a postal worker! Everybody get down on the ground, now!" He noticed everyone was already on the ground, and was immediately approached by several REAL postal workers. Oh, great, they're gonna kill me. One of them slapped him on the back and said "They won't dare mess with us now. Just us 6 and someone might have been brave enough to try something. But with 7, we're perfectly fine. Now let's get everything we need and get out of here fast!" Quarter went off to find some appropriate gifts. He first encountered a gun display. "Hmmm... Heero was drooling over this gun last week." Quarter picked up the gun and went on to the toy section. He was about to pass right on by when he noticed a model train. "Gufei'd probably like that..." Quarter picked up the large box. "It's got three trains, some pretty big railroads, and a lot of other stuff. Seems perfect for Gufei."  
  
Quarter ran throughout the entire store and picked out a go-cart for Duo. "HEY! I've got it! I could just not get Trowel anything and tell him I'M His present!" One of the postal workers approached the frustrated boy and said "I'd get him something if I was you." Quarter continued wandering about. "Weird. I've been with the guy for just over a year and I have no idea what to get him. What did I get him last year? Oh yeah... I got him... Oh. Hehe. I got him a large supply of whipped cream..." His face turned bright red. "He put it to good use, too." Many aisles later, he spotted something he thought would suffice. "A mirror! He spends a lot of time on his hair, and all he has is that little microscopic mirror... If I got him a really big one, it'd be a lot easier for him to comb his hair." The young blond grabbed the mirror and then put everything in a shopping cart nearby. "I can't believe I carried that all around."  
  
//Got no money in my pocket,  
  
can't believe it's Christmas time//  
  
He pushed the cart towards the front door and then remembered Reelina. "That stupid bitch, I can't believe she tried to come between Heero and Duo. I think I'll get her something she'll remember for a long time." Something caught Quarters attention out of the corner of his eyes. "Perfect." He placed it in the cart and pushed it to his car with a grin on his face.  
  
Quarter was stuck in traffic yet again. "Hurry up... Not only do I have to worry about the police, but I have to get this stuff wrapped before the other guys get back. Then again, with the traffic going this slow, I can give Reelina her present very accurately. I can't believe I just robbed Wal Mart. Anyways... There it is!" The car moved forward a few more feet and Quarter had a perfect view of the building Reelina was currently in, signing some sort of peace treaty or something. Quarter reached into the back seat of the car and pulled out the rocket launcher he had seen in the gun section. "Wal Mart sure does have everything a person could need..." Quarter aimed carefully and blew a chunk out of the bottom of the building, and it collapsed in on itself. Quarter smiled and then went back to watching the road in front of him. The unmoving road in front of him.  
  
//It's the crowds that bug me,  
  
stuck in traffic like this//  
  
After Quarter had finished wrapping what he had 'bought' and the other gundam pilots had gotten to the home in which they all five lived there was a phone call. Heero picked up the receiver and said "Hello." He listened to the whiney voice on the other end and slammed the receiver down. "Reelina just called and said the building she was in blew up and collapsed on itself. Apparently she got away with just a broken leg. She wanted to know if I knew who had caused that." Quarter laughed. The other four stared at him in surprise. "Quarter? You did that? I didn't think you had it in you!" Trowel exclaimed. "It was just an early Christmas present. A little surprise for her." A 6 year old boy ran into the room. "Daddy! Uncle Quarter made me go to my room, and I wasn't even doing anything!" He said as he hugged Duo. "What's wrong with you, kid? I'm not your dad! Heero is." Heero glared at Duo, attempting unsuccessfully to be angry with his lover. "Well, I guess that would make you his mother, wouldn't it, Duo?" He asked, and his question was met with an equally unsuccessful glare, and then Duo stuck his tongue out at Heero.  
  
//It's kids causing a commotion,  
  
it's shop at your own risk//  
  
"Why does that kid seem to think we're his family?" Trowel queried. Quarter shrugged and then replied with "Well, he doesn't have a family, so I guess that would mean we are kind of his family. We're all he has." Duo and Heero sighed. "Great." Heero muttered as he foresaw Quarters next words. "And..." Quarter began. "Since he seems to like you two so much, you get to be his parents." Trowel grinned at the disgusted look on Duos face. Duo sighed and mumbled "Well, yeah, whatever. Fine. But he's gonna have two fathers, 'cause I'm sure as hell not going to be his mom. I'll go buy the kid a Tickle Me Elmo or something."  
  
//It's that Tickle Me Elmo,  
  
it's, dang, unfindable//  
  
Duo saw the traffic and ran to the garage. He opened up the trap door in the floor and practically flew down the stairs. He jumped into the Deathscythes cockpit. "Screw the car. I'll get there faster in my gundam." Duo pulled a small remote from his pocket and pressed the round blue button in the middle. The garage lifted up into the air and Deathscythe jumped out of the basement. The garage went back to its original position. Duo flew to Wal Mart, but after seeing how many cars were parked in the parking lot, he flew over to Target. "Not as many people here. I'll just run in, buy something, and go back home." Duo landed in front of the store and hopped out of the gundam. "And now to find something for the kid." I can't help feeling sorry for him. I was in the same position he's in. Well, except for the fact that now he's got two great parents like me and Heero. After all, who wouldn't be jealous of the kid, getting the priveledge of having me for his dad?  
  
//Christmas Christmas. Unshoppable.  
  
Christmas Christmas.//  
  
Duo ran all throughout the store, but couldn't find anything at all that he could buy for the kid. "Jeez, no wonder everyone's at Wal Mart. They cleaned out Target already." Duo walked back to the Deathscythe, thinking about where to go next. He didn't want to go to Wal Mart, with the huge crowd that was no doubt running around inside grabbing everything they could before someone else got to it. Duo got back into his gundam and flew to several other stores before giving up and going to Wal Mart.  
  
//It can make a fellow uptight,  
  
I must have been to 15 stores or more//  
  
Hmmm.... Well, at least their shelves aren't completely bare. Duo ran through the store and got to the toy section. "Kids... Why can't they ever want something useful, like a gun or something? Nooooooo... Gotta have toys. OOOOOOOOOHHH!!! I WANT ONE!!!" Duo screamed as he ran towards the last remaining go-cart. "DAMN IT! I can't afford it right now... And besides, I'm supposed to be buying for other people right now." Duo sighed and looked for something his... Hmmm... Well, I guess he's my son now. He was looking for something for his son. "Light Brite? Never heard of it, but I guess I'll get one." Duo read the name of a toy off a sign hanging above the aisle. He walked down the aisle, but couldn't find anything called a Light Brite. A woman approached him. "Are you looking for a Light Brite?" She asked him. He nodded in response. "I saw someone buy the last one last night."  
  
//All I wanted was a Light Brite  
  
but they sold out, last night, of course//  
  
"Great....." Duo sighed and shook his head in despair. "Out doing some last minute shopping for your kids, huh? I know how it feels." The woman sympathized. "Yeah, well, don't get the wrong idea or anything, I mean I'm not straight or anything! The kid was homeless, and we, meaning me and my BOYFRIEND, found  
  
him, and he just started following us around everywhere calling me dad, and after a while we just gave up."  
  
The woman laughed. Duo asked her what kind of thing he should look for. "Why don't you buy a swing set or something?" She suggested. Duo asked where he could find one, and the lady told him she had seen some a few aisles down. Duo thanked her and went off to find a swing set. He finally found a large box containing a swing set. Duo grabbed the box, and just before he went to the front to buy it, he remembered to check the price. The braided shoppers face contorted into a look of horror as he read the pricetag. "Three hundred dollars?!? But.... That's almost all the money I have! Kids... They just have to have the most expensive things they can get. Couldn't I just get the kid some playboy magazines or something?" Duo sighed as he gave in. "Fine. I'll buy the damn swing set."  
  
//'Time I buy my kids a swing set,  
  
I'll be broke forever more//  
  
Duo had hidden the swing set in the basement and was now inside the house. The other gundam pilots saw that he looked rather pissed off, and only Heero dared to ask him how it went. "Have fun?" He asked, raising his left eyebrow and giving a slight smile. Duo plopped down on the couch and screamed. He screamed for several minutes before finally talking. "Next time we have a kid, tell me long before Christmas. I had all my Christmas shopping done in September, thinking I was soooo clever and wouldn't have to deal with that last minute Christmas shopping. But noooo, of course not, just before Christmas I find out we have a kid. I don't like kids anymore..." Heero sat next to the stewing chestnut haired boy who was busy glaring angrily at the young boy trying to hide behind Quarter. Heero pulled Duos head to the right so he was looking him right in the eyes. "Next time I'll do the last minute shopping, okay?" Heero offered before kissing Duo passionately. Duo laughed. "I should probably do it. That way the other customers wont be getting a complimentary bullet in the head. Oh, damn, I forgot to buy something for you, Heero. I guess I'm your present!" Quarter stifled a laugh. "Hey, that was my idea!" Duo ran into his and Heeros bedroom and came back with a large square box that just barely fit through the doorway. "Why haven't I seen that before, if you had it in our room?" Heero asked, surprised. Duo grinned. "I just hid it in the closet behind some clothes that didn't have any spandex or tank tops. I knew you'd never find it there." Heero looked down at the clothes he was wearing, which consisted of a green tank top and black spandex shorts. And socks and shoes, but that's beside the point. Duo drug the box over to Heero. "Here. But you can't open it until tomorrow." Heero made a face and Duo laughed. The six year old boy, whos name was Haus (Pronounced house) Maxwell, ran over to Duo and wrapped himself around Duos leg. "Hey! What do you want? Why're you doing that?" Haus glanced up at Duo, his lower lip trembling. "Gufei looked at me all scary. And it was scary. So I got scared." Duo looked in Gufeis direction, but Gufei wasn't doing anything, since he had stopped as soon as Haus had run to Duo. Duo grinned and said "Well, I know he looks scary, but it isn't his fault he looks like that." Gufei grabbed Quarters Gameboy and threw it at Duo. Duo caught the small electronic device. "Hey, thanks!"  
  
//'Tis the season of giving,  
  
'tis that time of year//  
  
Quarter grabbed the Gameboy. "I finally got to the last level. And..." He glanced at the screen. "And you two got me killed!!!" There as a knock at the door, and Quarter opened it. Quarter was instantly knocked to the ground. "That's for nearly getting me killed." Reelina came into the room, one leg in a cast. "Heero!" She cried out and she walked to the couch. She sat down on Heeros lap and kissed him right on the lips. Duo sat still for a moment, and then, quicker than anyone could see, he shoved Reelina onto the ground and replaced her on Heeros lap.  
  
  
  
Later that night......  
  
Heero and Duo lay in their bed, half asleep. Duo suddenly sat up. "Heero!" He hissed. Heero rolled over and looked up at Duo. "What?" "Aren't we supposed to have all the presents under a tree and stuff?" Heeros eyes opened up wide and the two jumped out of bed. They ran out the door and into Quarter and Trowels room. "Quarter! Trowel! Hurry, get up!" Trowel and Quarter opened their eyes sleepily, and Trowel glared at the two. "Hey, we're trying to get some sleep, here. Um... You're both in your underwear. Please don't tell me you decided you wanted to have a foursome?" He pleaded. "Nope, even better, we're gonna let Gufei join in, too." Duo joked. "We need a tree." Heero said. All of a sudden it hit Trowel and Quarter. "Oh, crap! That's right!" And so, at a half hour past midnight, they woke Gufei and the five gundam pilots drove out to look for a tree. And, unfortunately for them, they didn't seem to notice that they hadn't put any clothes on and were still in nothing but their underwear.  
  
//'Twas the night before christmas,  
  
'twas a pain in the rear.  
  
It's that credit card payment,  
  
its, argh, unpayable.  
  
Christmas Christmas returnable  
  
Christmas Christmas  
  
You'll see Santa hop the rooftops,  
  
Rudolphs nose will be glowin so bright.  
  
Theres a whole lotta parents losing sleep,  
  
nothing silent about this night.  
  
Christmas is pure promotion  
  
let us not forget why.  
  
We're all out shoppin',  
  
we're all out buyin'//  
  
The gundam guys arrived at a place that sold Christmas trees. "Holy crap! Heero, we seem to have forgotten our clothes." Duo pointed out, and they realised they all were. "Too late now." Gufei muttered. "This is injust!" A car pulled up behind theirs, and Reelina jumped out. "Damn it!" She screamed as she landed on her broken leg. She then ran to Heero screaming everytime she stepped on her broken leg. The dumb bitch jumped on Heero and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Heero, is that a brush in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" She asked. "Actually, I was just thinking about whats going to happen when Duo and I get back to bed..." Heero replied, resisting the urge to pull out the pistol he kept in his underwear at all times and kill her. Duo grabbed a crowbar from the back seat of their car and pried Reelina off his boyfriend.  
  
Reelina fell to the ground, and the boys ran deep into the collection of trees.  
  
  
  
Later....  
  
"We finally got out of there! That damn woman... When is she going to realize I love Duo?" Trowel was driving the car, and they were going back with a tree in the back. The car pulled into the garage, and the boys all climbed out of the car and carried the tree inside. They stood the tree in a corner and put all the presents under it. "And now we can go to sleep." Heero proclaimed, but before they went to bed, Duo remembered something. "We need to put lights on the tree. And a star, too." Quarter sighed and went to the garage to look for some lights to put on the tree. Duo and Heero wandered off to look for a star. Gufei and Trowel shook the boxes under the tree that were for them, trying to figure out what they were. "Trowel. If you tell me what you got me, I'll tell you what I got you." Trowel glanced around and then agreed. But then Quarter came back with the lights. By the time Duo and Heero returned with a star, the others had already finished with the lights. Duo placed the star on top of the tree and Heero plugged everything in. Gufei tried to go back to his room to sleep, but fell asleep in the chair he had sat down on. Trowel and Quarter sat down on the couch, and the two fell asleep in each others arms. Heero had sat down on the other couch (Convenient that they just happen to have another, isn't it?) Duo sat next to him and fell asleep with his head on Heeros shoulders. Heero slipped an arm around the sleeping boy next to him and feel asleep soon after.  
  
//It's that one string of light bulbs,  
  
you can't ever get lit.  
  
It's that gallon of egg nog  
  
it's, bleah, undrinkable.  
  
Christmas Christmas decoratable  
  
Christmas Christmas  
  
It's the things you buy me baby  
  
it's the thing I buy you darlin'.  
  
It's that Faith Hill cd,  
  
they're all sold out of 'em.  
  
Christmas Christmas beautiful  
  
Christmas Christmas//  
  
To be continued..........  
  
Didja like it? Hmmm??? If you liked it, write a review and tell me how great it was. If you thought it sucked, tell me! I can improve, I swear! Depending on reviews, I might put up more chapters, and I might not. So long! 


	2. Reelina's Got a Butt Bigger Than The Bea...

Chapter 2: Another song fic set to Cledus T. Judds '(She's Got A Butt) Bigger Than The Beatles.'  
  
The warnings are the same as the first chapters. And hopefully you people all like this series. Anyways, now on to the second chapter...  
  
Duo awoke with a sharp pain in his chest. His eyes flew open and he saw Haus standing on his stomache. "Daaaaaaaddyyyyyyy! The big fat guy with a red suit came and grew a tree in here!" Duo rubbed the sleep from his eyes and prodded at Heero with his finger. "Heeeeeeeroooo. Wake up! I can't handle this kid by myself." Heero just rolled over onto his side. "Heeeeeeeeeeee'ooooooooo!" Haus yelled. "Waaaaaaaake uuuuuuuup!" Haus jumped up and down on Heero repeatedly until he woke up. Instinctively Heero reached for his gun, but missed and his hand slid into Duos underwear. "AH! Uh, Er... Heero? Could you let go of that, please? You're squeezing just a bit too hard." Heero finally became aware of the world around him and realised where his hand was. He pulled his hand out of Duos underwear and attempted to stand up. He was unable to get up for some reason though. He forced his sleepy eyes to focus and saw Haus standing on him. Haus jumped off Heero and Heero stood up. Duo stretched and stood next to Heero. "An eye for an eye, eh, Heero?" He asked, grinning, as he shoved his hand into Heeros spandex underwear (Yup, even his underwear's spandex.). Heero stood there for a minute, unable to do anything, before Duo removed his hand. By then Quarter and Trowel had woken up. "That kid's probably gonna need therapy if he lives around you two much longer." Trowel commented. Duo thought for a moment and said "Oh, and I suppose those loud groaning sounds he hears coming from your room at night isn't gonna make him need any therapy." Quarter and Trowel blushed. Gufei walked into the room. "Oh, you're already awake. Too bad. And I had it all planned out, too..." Trowel stepped over to the tree and grabbed a very small box. "Well, I guess this wont get me the award for originality, but why not?" Duo looked at the box with curiosity. "So what's in there? Give it to Quarter, already! I wanna know what it is." Trowel shifted his weight to his right leg nervously and then replied "Well... Okay." Trowel handed the box to Quarter. Quarter unwrapped it and opened the box, revealing a ring. "Quarter, will you marry me?" Then there was a knock at the door.  
  
//She cooks with lard, loves hot food bars.  
  
A quart of sweet tea and fried pork skins.//  
  
Heero moved to open the door, and then paused, wondering if it was HER again. He slowly turned the doorknob and then quickly yanked the door open. Reelina jumped across the threshhold into Heeros arms. "Oh, crap, it's you again!" Heero said, sighing. Haus ran over to Reelina and smiled up at her. "AAAAAWWWWW!!! He's so cute!" Reelina gushed. Haus kicked her broken leg and said "You stupid bitch! My daddy loves my... Other daddy, not you!" Reelina fell to the ground and winced, trying in vain not to scream. She managed not to let out a full scream, but whimpered instead. "He's not as cute as I thought..." She muttered under her breath. She stood up, but fell back down again and landed on Haus. "HEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!! SHE'S SQUISHING ME!" Heero pulled Reelina off Haus and shoved her across the room where she stumbled and fell again.  
  
//Cain't get enough, eats 'til she's stuffed  
  
Goes to the bathroom and comes back again.//  
  
Wufei smiled as Reelina fell on the floor. He grabbed his katana and sliced the cast right off of her leg, making it impossible for her to move without pain shooting up the entire length of her leg. Duo picked up a box from under the tree and gave it to Reelina. "Here, Ms. Pieceocrap. I got you something." Reelina, despite the pain in her leg, took the box with a "Thank you" and opened it. salt spilled out from the box and onto her wound. She yelped in pain and crawled out the front door. "She finally left. That was mean of you guys to do to her, but I guess she kinda deserved it... She just can't take a hint, can she?" Quarter remarked. He turned slightly to the left and saw Trowel standing there expectantly. Quarter suddenly remembered the ring in his hand and what Trowel had asked him. "Yes! Of course I will, Trowel!" Quarter said happily, wrapping his arms around his love.  
  
A Few Hours Later.....  
  
"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" Duo yelled happily, chasing Heero around the back yard in the go-cart Quarter had gotten for him. "Duo, stop that! Argh! Quarter, why'd you have to buy him that?!?" Trowel, Quarter and Wufei were sitting in the lawn chairs, watching Duo chase Heero. "Well, Duo seems to having fun, it's good entertainment for us, and, hey, you're finally getting chased by a good looking guy." Quarter replied. "Damn it!" Duo exclaimed, and pulled over by Quarter. "You got any gasoline for this thing, Quarter?" He asked hopefully. "Sorry, Duo. I don't have any." Duo got out of the go-cart and slumped down into an empty lawn chair. Duo was lost in thought for several minutes before saying "Wow, I never knew thought was such a big place. I barely got out. But now I have an idea!" Duo ran to the garage and soon returned with a can of gasoline. "Um... Duo? Where'd you get that, exactly?" Heero questioned him. "I, uh, kinda borrowed it from your gundam. I didn't think I'd mind. I thought you would mind, but I decided that as long as it was okay with me, I could do it." Heero ran up to Duo and pinched his ass. "OW! Hey, why'd you do that?" And then 'the bitch' returned...  
  
//She thinks she looks just like  
  
Madonna when she runs her greasy  
  
fingers through her bleach blond hair//  
  
Reelina approached Heero slowly, being careful when putting weight on her newly casted leg. "Get lost, Reelina." Heero said as he moved to knock her on the ground. Reelina pulled out a gun and aimed it right between Heeros eyes. "I don't think so." Heero laughed. "I'm not afraid of you, gun or no gun." Reelina aimed the gun at Duo. "Fine, then. I'll just keep the gun aimed at the competition, though he isn't any competition at all. I don't see why you like him." Heero had been getting ready to tackle her, but froze in his tracks when she aimed the gun at Duo. He sighed and asked what she wanted. "It's very simple. I just want you to go on one date with me. One date with me, and not only do I not shoot your boyfriend, but I'll also never bother you again." Heero hesitated, but looked at the gun, looked at Duo, and reluctantly agreed. "Fine. You win. I'll do it."  
  
//Most times she'll place another order  
  
and lordy have mercy on that little bitty chair.//  
  
  
  
Later At The Waffle House.....  
  
Reelina batted her eyelashes at Heero. She got no response and glared at him angily. "Heero! I just flirted with you! Do something!" Heero grinned mischievously. "Kay." He said, and profusely vomited. Reelinas face turned bright red in rage, and she was just about to yell at Heero when she farted. A man wearing a gas mask walked up to the table. "Ready to order, miss Reelina? Oh, I see you decided to bring a date." Decided to bring a date? She probably just sat on him until he agreed to come with her. Poor guy... Reelina smiled gleefully. "Heero can order first." Good idea. Once you've ordered, there wont be anything left for that poor boy. Heero placed his order, and the waiter turned back towards Reelina. "Will you be having the usual?" He asked her politely. "Yes, thank you." Heero asked him what 'the usual' was. "Well, you know how some people order pizzas with everything on them?" Heero nodded his head. "Well, for her, the usual is a plate with everything on it. Quite literally everything. Well, everything edible." He whispered.  
  
//She's got a butt bigger than the Beatles,  
  
eatin' me out of house and home.//  
  
Reelina decided to bat her eyelashes at Heero again. Heero, though disgusted, somehow managed to appear as if she looked attractive to him. I can't believe it... I knew I loved Duo, but I had no idea ANYONE could possibly love anyone THIS much. After this, I'm following Trowels example and ask Duo to marry me. Reelina, looking very pleased, slid one of her feet out of her shoe and lifted it to Heeros leg. Oh, crap. It's a good thing I had all that training... I really need to be strong to get through this. Heero smiled, trying not to let her see how disgusted he was. Jeez... It would be bad enough if she were a fat, ugly guy. But noooo. She has to be female, too. The man from earlier came into the room and set Heeros food in front of him. Then a tractor came out of the kitchen carrying Reelinas food. If she wasn't a princess, she wouldn't be rich. If she wasn't rich, she wouldn't be able to pay for this. If she couldn't pay for it, she'd be thin. I really wish she was poor... At least then she'd only be ugly and female. Unfortunately that's all that could possibly be done to her. She can't suddenly become good looking, and she can't just decide to be male. Hmmm... I've got an idea!" Heero slipped a pill into one of Reelinas waffles, and watched as she tore into her food. He quickly turned away and focused on the plate before him.  
  
//Her booty size, well it oughta be illegal,  
  
she has a hard time sittin' on the throne.//  
  
I wonder if that pill will work. It guarantees that it'll make you lose 200 pounds in 5 minutes or less, or your money back. I doubt 200 pounds will be enough to help her, though... About five minutes later, she looked like she had lost about 200 pounds. Cool... Only 2000 to go, and moby dick will be normal sized. Hmmm... Moby dick. If she had one, this wouldn't be quite as bad." Heero and Reelina went to the nearest Dennys and then Reelina placed her final order for the day.  
  
//hamburgers, hot dogs,  
  
cheese fries and coleslaw,  
  
a dozen bearclaws,  
  
yum yum yum.  
  
Loves sausage links,  
  
hates diet drinks, takes up  
  
both seats in a two-seater car//  
  
Heero asked the waitress to slip 5 of the pills into her food. "Well, that should do it. Now she eats her food and I can finally go home to Duo." Heero turned his head to the right to ask Reelina a question, but found himself staring right at her puckered up lips. Heero yelped in surprise and fear. "What's the matter, Heero? I know you want to kiss me just as much as I want you to kiss me, don't you?" She asked with a slight hint of menace in her voice. "Uh..." Heero thought fast. "In a public place? Don't you think we should wait until later when we can be..." Heero shuddered, but luckily Reelina didn't notice. "Alone?" Reelina looked both surprised and ecstatic. "Okay, Heero!" She exclaimed, and Heero prayed he'd find a way out of the mess he'd just gotten himself into. Reelinas food arrived and she began to devour it. After she had finally finished eating the huge pile of food in front of her, she led Heero to her car. "Okay, now let's go to my place, where we can be... Alone." She said, attempting to sound sexy VERY unsuccessfully. Heero began the drive to her house, and halfway there he had gigantic drops of sweat rolling off of him. Crap. Now would be the perfect time for her to have a heart attack or something. Wait... It's not much of an excuse, but it'll work. She can't exactly refuse, can she, now?" Heero glanced at Reelina and his gaze remained there in shock. She looks normal now! She's not a whale anymore! Still ugly as hell, and still female, but she's not grossly obese. They arrived at Reelinas house, and Heero checked the time. "Oh, damn... Reelina, Duo made me promise not to stay out past 9, and it's almost 9. If I leave right now, I might get back in time. Sorry, but I have to go. I had fun, hope we can do it again, I'll call you sometime, bye!" Heero said when she had gotten out and closed the door. He backed up the car and headed home, drenched in sweat. "I-it's impossible! I, I, I was able to get out of that!" Heero began laughing insanely.  
  
//Her doctor said "lay off the bread",  
  
but he didn't say nothin' 'bout a Snickers bar.  
  
She drinks sweet milk by the gallon  
  
and she'd never eat a salad or a lean cuisine.  
  
Then she'll lay spread out on the hammock  
  
after she's done her damage at the Dairy Queen.  
  
She's got a butt bigger than the beatles  
  
folks make fun 'cause she's overgrown.  
  
Her rumps shaped like a Volkswagen beetle  
  
she gives new meaning to the words big boned.  
  
Bagels and cream cheese  
  
vaniller ice cream  
  
a tub of whipped cream  
  
yum yum yum.  
  
No you wont find her name on the weight loss of fame  
  
down at Jenny Craigs.  
  
When she cleans 'em out at the waffle house  
  
they'll bring in more ham and eggs.  
  
She's got a butt bigger than the Beatles  
  
her favorite food is chocolate ding dongs.  
  
It's wide enough to play line backer for the Eagles  
  
Deon Sanders better leave her alone. (If I spelled the name wrong, I blame it on lack of sports knowledge)  
  
Try chicken halfs baked, or a fat free milk shake.  
  
Enough for gods sake, stop the insanity!  
  
Weight Watchers, yeah.  
  
Weight Watchers, yeah.  
  
Yeah, I watched her weight.  
  
I watched it go from 117 and a quarter to 317 and a half,  
  
two and a half years later. Moooooooooo!  
  
  
  
Once Heero Got Home.....  
  
"Duo! DUUUUUOOOOOO MAAAAXXXXWWWEEEELLLL!!!!" Duo bolted out of his and Heeros room and hugged the figure at the door. "Heero, you're all wet! Did it rain or something?" Heero laughed. "No, that's sweat. Reelina made me drive her to her house, and she wanted me to... To kiss her." Duo gasped in horror. "You kissed her? Someone get some soap quick!" Heero shook his head no. "Nuh-uh. I told her I had promised you to be home by 9 and got the hell out of there as fast as I could. You'd be amazed at just how fast that car can go..." Duo looked at Heero nervously, like he was avoiding saying something. "What is it, Duo?" "Well, uh, Heero... That's Reelinas car. You're going to have to take it back and get ours back." Heero nearly fainted, but managed to drive back to Reelinas mansion and change cars. He drove back going 115 miles per hour. He jumped out of the car once he was back and ran inside. "There. Everything's just fine now. Reelinas gone from my life forever, and I'm back home with Duo and the others." Duo approached him with a troubled look. "What is it now, Duo? Did Reelina forget a ring here or something?" Duo shook his head. "It's, uh, Gufei. He's... Got a girlfriend. Or at least I wish he did..." Heero was puzzled, but followed Duo to Gufeis room. Heero gaped at the sight he saw. "Gufei bought an inflatable new girlfriend..." Duo said, looking at Heero, his eyes full of hope that Heero would be able to do something about it.  
  
To be continued.....  
  
I hope you liked it. By the way, REVIEW IT!!! Whether you liked it or not, Review it. Hell, I don't care if you read it or not, just review it!! Thank you for your time. Your wasted time is non-refundable. Though I could sell it back to you for a hundred dollars a minute. Review, and bye! 


	3. She's Inflatable, And Not Available, She...

And now chapter three, to Cledus T. Judds 'Inflatable.' Hope ya like it. By the way, READ AND REVIEW!!! READ AND REVIEW!!! READ AND REVIEW!!! Now do the reading...  
  
Heero stepped over to Gufei, who was busy blowing up his, er, 'girlfriend.' "Um... Gufei? What are you doing?" Gufei smiled up at Heero. "Well, what do you think I'm doing? I'm blowing up the perfect girl." Heero sighed hopelessly. "Crap. He's lost it." Gufei shook his head. "No, I haven't. You and Duo have each other, and Trowa and Quatre, I'm all alooooooone. But not anymore! Not with her." Duo gave Heero a look that clearly showed his willingness to call the nearest mental institute. "No, bad idea... How about we just pop her?" Trowel asked. Gufei looked up at the other four gundam pilots fearfully. "Yo-You can't pop her! I won't let you!" Quarter sat on the bed next to Gufei and reached to pull the partially inflated thing out of Gufeis arms. "NO! LEAVE HER ALONE!"  
  
//She's so squeezable, pleaseable,  
  
unbreakable, she's inflatable.//  
  
"Okay! Um... Gufei, have you considered the fact that it might just be possible to have a relationship outside of the gundam pilots? And the toy section of Wal Mart..." Quarter asked, muttering the last part under his breath. Gufei's lower lip quivered slightly, and he said "But... I don't want anyone else. I just want her." Trowel hit Gufei on the head with a shovel he had gotten from the garage. "Okay, now what do we do?" He asked as he watched Gufei fall flat on his bed. "Um... Now we get rid of that and take all his money away." Duo suggested, but then he saw Heero glowering at him. "Or not..." "Duo, that would be stealing. That wouldn't be very nice. Besides that, you stole my plan..." Duo grinned. "Sorry. I didn't know it was yours. When it popped into my head, I didn't see a copyright. I guess I should have looked harder."  
  
//She's an arm full of sex appeal  
  
can't wait until I get her home.  
  
She's incapable of being difficult,  
  
down to earthable, biodegradable//  
  
Heero suddenly grabbed his gun, and Duo jumped down to the ground and said "I didn't mean it! It was just a joke!" Heero aimed the gun at the window. "I thought you said you were going to leave, Reelina." Reelina shoved the window open and climbed inside. "Well, I just thought I might be able to help. Which would you rather, him having a plastic girlfriend, or me?" Heero didn't have to think long about that. "The plastic one's better looking." Reelina got angry. "Okay, fine. Well, I could get some other girl for him. I could probably even find a guy for him." Trowel said "Okay, do it. Please! I don't want to have to knock him out every time he takes her on a date or something..." The other three hesitated, but thought it over and agreed. "Okay, I'll try to find someone interested in him. I'll tell them where you live and they'll be here tomorrow morning. And I won't even make you go on another date with me before I do it, Heero." Reelina climbed out the window and Quarter closed it behind her. "She wasn't fat. What'd you do to her, Heero?" Heero tossed the bottle of super-fast acting weight loss pills. "Just slipped 6 of those into her food." Quarter read the label.  
  
//Shania Twain ain't got a dadblame thang  
  
on my teasable squeezable pleaseable, she's inflatable//  
  
"She lost 1200 pounds?" He asked. "And she looked like that? Wow. I thought she'd have to lose a lot more than just 1200 pounds to at normal weight." Heero nodded and said "So did I. Well, now her only problems are that she's ugly and female. If she gets plastic surgery and suddenly turns into a guy, she might actually be able to get a date. We should probably get some sleep pretty soon..." Heero glanced at Duo meaningfully. "Uh... He's got a point, Quarter. It's pretty late, after all." Quarter checked his watch. "It's only 9 30, Trowel." Trowel blushed. "Um... Let's just go to bed." Heero and Duo went to their room, and Trowel and Quarter to theirs.  
  
//Most folks think that I'm full of baloney,  
  
I'm never lonely.  
  
Never thought I could buy someone  
  
not tameable, airbrainable, recycleable, no I ain't foolable//  
  
  
  
The Next Morning.....  
  
Heero woke with a start. There had been a knock at the door. He shot a look towards the braided boy next to him. "Good, he's still asleep. I know she said 'next morning,' but this is a bit early." Heero slid out from under the sheets and put some clothes on, smiling as he thought about the previous night. "I guess I should wake up Gufei." He walked over to Gufeis room and shook him until he woke up. "Someones at the door. And it's for you. And so WAKE UP!" Why did the knocking stop? Heero left Gufei to get dressed and went to the door. "Oh, you two are awake." He noted. "Yup. Where's Duo?" Trowel asked. "Well, I don't want to wake him up... It's pretty early, and... Well, we were up pretty late..." Trowel grinned. "So were we. Is Gufei awake?" Gufei entered the room. "Yup." Trowel stepped to the right to reveal Mallard Pieceocrap. "Ah, crap! What's he doing here?" Gufei yelled. "Um... Well... Gufei, we told Reelina about your... Situation... And she offered to help." Gufei stared at Quarter in shock and anger. "What situation? You're just jealous, 'cause all you have is that... That..." Gufei smiled dreamily and hugged Trowel. "That gorgeous man..." Quarter froze in shock and then, without thinking about it, slapped Gufei.  
  
//Didn't need a downpayment on that pretty little plastic thing.  
  
It made my momma cry when we ran off one night  
  
and caught a vegas flight,  
  
and I made her my wife.  
  
My fixable, patchable, washable, yeah, inflatable.  
  
(Dang, honey, you give a brand new definition to takin' a mans breath away.)  
  
It makes me feel so proud that I'm her feller  
  
I'd never sell her.  
  
People get your mind out of the gutter//  
  
"Ow! Hey, whadja do that fo..." Gufei suddenly realised he was hugging Trowel. He jumped backwards. "Um.. Okay, so, what? You had Reelina get a bunch of guys to come over here so I'd fall in love with one or something? Did you consider the fact that I might just be straight?" Quarter nodded his head. "That's why she also sent a bunch of girls." Gufei leered at the golden haired offender. "Why'd he call me an offender?" Quarter asked. "Because you offended me." Gufei replied. After Gufei rejected Mallard, a few Oz soldiers, Brady One, Ms. Boing, Ms. Ornight, Caffeine, and several other girls, Trace ShishKebab walked into the house. Gufei, who had been complaining and whining the whole time, suddenly became quiet. "Trace?" Trace nodded his head and said "Yes, I'm gay. Judging by the long line of both men and women out there, I thought you might be too, but of course I'm probably wrong and have just made a complete fool of myself." Gufeis jaw dropped. "You're gay? And you didn't tell me? Why the hell not?!?" Gufei ran to Trace, slipped his arms around him, and began to kiss him. "Awww... Love at first admition of homosexuality. Isn't it sweet?" Heero said, only partially sarcastic.  
  
//She's blondheadable, redheadable,  
  
brunettable, interchangeable.  
  
I didn't need a downpayment on that pretty little plastic thing.  
  
She's incapable of being difficult.//  
  
About 10 minutes later, Gufei and Trace finally seperated their mouths (Only because Heero threatened to shoot them both if they didn't). Quarter had fallen when Gufei pushed by him to get to Trace, and the thud had caused Duo to wake up. 10 minutes afterwards, and he was still working on getting his hair just the way he liked it. Gufei led Trace to his room, and soon after there was some rather loud moaning. Duo finally came out of the bathroom, his hair neatly braided, wearing his usual clothes. "Um... Judging by what I'm hearing, I'd say Gufei and Trace got along fairly well..." Quarter laughed. "Yeah, you could say that." The telephone rang and Duo ran to pick it up. After a few minutes he came back with some news. "Well, guess what? Some guy who said he's Heeros uncle wants us to go to his farm. If we decide to go, we have to leave tomorrow. I've got the directions written down in this notepad." He tossed the notepad to Heero. Heero glanced at the directions quickly, and said "We're going." "Well, I'm glad Heero took so much time to carefully consider that, and of course to take into consideration everyone elses thoughts on the matter." Trowel remarked sarcastically. "But, hey, what the hell. It'll be kinda like a vacation. And we'll get to see if Heeros relatives are as weird as him."  
  
//Down to earthable, biodegradable.  
  
My pleasable, patchable, washable, biodegradable, airbrainable,  
  
squeezable, washable, she's inflatable,  
  
that Diamond Rio song had way to many syllables.//  
  
To be continued...  
  
And now it's time for the reviewing part. REVIEW IT, DAMMIT! Please? And I'll have the next part up pretty soon, hopefully. I'll let you in on a secret... In the next chapter, Heero milks a cow. Yep. Cool, huh? Read it! 


	4. How does Heero milk a cow?

The next chapter, chapter 4... Set to Cledus T. Judds 'How do You Milk a Cow?' I can't help it, I like the guys songs. They're funny. If you want to disagree, I'll put you in my next chapter. If you agree, you might end up in it anyways... Only nothing bad will happen to ya. Then again, that's probably a dumb idea. READ AND REVIEW, GOT IT?!?  
  
"Heeeeeeeeroooooo. Are we there yet?" Duo whined. "The answer is the same it was five seconds ago. NO!" Duo sulked silently. "Heeeeeeeeroooooo." "What is it now, Duo?" "Heero, this kids bugging the crap out of me. He keeps taking my gameboy and hitting me with it. I finally convinced Quarter to trade me a Mew for my Chansey, and he pulled the link cable out before Quarter could trade me..." Heero frowned. "Duo, that's not a very fair trade." "Heero! He doesn't know that... Well, now he does, thanks to you." Trowel hit Duo with his spade. "Shut up!" "OWWWW! Heero, Trowel hit me!" Heero took off one of his shoes and threw it at Trowel. "Augh... Heero, take your shoe back and put it on! Quick!" Trowel said between gasps. Duo hit Trowel. "Hey, his feet aren't nearly as bad as yours." Heero turned around and glared at Duo. "Are you saying my feet smell bad?" Duo cowered in fear. "No, nonono! Now turn around and watch the road!" Heero did as Duo said, and just barely missed hitting an old lady. "Heero? Could we stop somewhere and get something to eat, please? I haven't had anything to eat since breakfast, since Duo ate my food..." Quarter stated. "Sure, there's a McDonalds over there."  
  
//Yeah, I was always a lazy one, a Southern Californian,  
  
but I've got some kinfolk on the Mason Dixon line.//  
  
The five gundam pilots (And Trace, too.) walked into the McDonalds, and they went to place their orders. Heero went first. "I'll just have a Big Mac and a medium order of fries. And a coke. Not a cocaine cola, a coca cola. Got it?" Quarter was about to order (It rhymes!) but Duo pushed him aside and ordered 15 double cheeseburgers, 3 big macs, 7 large orders of fries, five 9 piece chicken mcnuggets, and 10 mcflurries. "So there are more than just you five?" The woman that was taking their order asked. "No, that's just for me." The woman looked at him as if he had grown another head. "Um... Okay." Quarter placed his order, and Trowel, Wufei and Trace after him. "Duo, was it really necessary to order all that?" Heero questioned him as they sat down in a booth. "I'm hungry..." Duo complained. "I only ordered those other 5 cheeseburgers in case I needed a snack later on." Heero rolled his eyes. The lady called out their number, and Heero went to get the food. He looked at the large pile of food, and before he could try to carry it by himself, Duo got up to help him. "Thanks, Duo." "Mrrr Felfcrm" Duo said, his mouth full of cheeseburger.  
  
//So this summer just for fun, hopped in my Deloriun,  
  
and headed for my uncles farm for a short time.//  
  
By the time Heero had finished half of his big mac, most of his fries, and about a fourth of his coke, Duo was down to 7 double cheeseburgers, 3 fries (Single fries, not 3 orders of them), and two mcflurries. Trace was as far from Duo as he could. "The one with the braid scares me, Gufei. He's a maniac." Gufei comforted his new boyfriend, and after they had all finished their food (Except for Duos emergency supply of 5 cheeseburgers), they all got back into the car and Heero continued the drive to his uncles farm.  
  
//I thought that I would be huntin' and fishin',  
  
I misunderstood him somehow.  
  
so far there's nothin' but chores here to mention,  
  
I didn't mind feedin' the sows.  
  
But how do you milk a cow?//  
  
"Gufei, the braided boy keeps hitting me." Trace whined. "His name's Duo. Duo... LEAVE TRACE ALONE!" Gufei pulled out his katana and held it up to Duos throat. "Okay, okay... Jeez, I'll stop! Get that thing away from me." Gufei pulled his katana back. "No, not that thing, this one." Duo said, pointing at Trace. "Don't push it, Maxwell." Duo handed Gufei a cup of coffee. "Here. It's Maxwell House coffee. Or, in other words, it's made by my company. Or, in other other words, it's the best coffee there is." Gufei took the coffee reluctantly, knowing Heero would beat the crap out of him if he didn't. "Um... Heero? You wouldn't happen to have an estimate on how much longer 'til we're there, would you? I have to pee..." Quarter asked. "Well, if my calculations are correct, it will take exactly... .000002 seconds." Heero slammed his foot down on the brakes, and Duo, who was sitting in the front next to Heero, fell forward and to the left, and he ended up getting a mouthful of spandex. "Wow, Duo, you seem pretty anxious." Trowel remarked, grinning.  
  
//This cow must think I'm crazy, a bunderin' this way.  
  
I'm sittin' here a pullin' but there ain't nothin' comin' out.  
  
Oh mi I e I o, how do you milk a cow?//  
  
"Well, who wouldn't be, with a guy as cute as this for his boyfriend? Of course, since all Quarter's got is you, that explains why he isn't quite as eager." Trowel became silent, not able to think of a come back. Everyone got out of the car and carried everything into the house before them. Duo was about to knock on the door when a man yanked it open and aimed a gun right at him. "Yup, all of Heeros relatives are just as bad. Or at least his uncle is." Trowel grinned. "Hmmm... Hey, you. The guy with the weird hair. You're cute. What's your name?" Heeros uncle asked, pointing at Trowel. "Uh... My names Trowel. Trowel Carton." Heeros uncle then introduced himself as Heythere Yuy. "Right then. Trowel, you can sleep in my bed tonight, if you want." Trowel shifted his weight uneasily, and was trying to think of a way to politely decline Heytheres offer when Quarter got him out of it for him. "Trowels my boyf... Well, actually, he's my fiance. The point is, he's sleeping with me." Heythere nodded his head and thought for a moment. "Well, you can come too, if you want." "That's not what I meant! I mean he isn't sleeping with you. Got it?"  
  
//Yeah I love it here in Tennessee,  
  
but these farmers all make fun of me.  
  
Can't haul much hay in a tiny sports car.//  
  
Heythere led the gundam pilots to the five bedrooms he had ready. "Looks like there's six of you, so two of you'll have to share a bedroom. Oh yeah, you two said you were going to." Heero tapped his uncle on the shoulder and said "Actually, we'll only need three rooms... Trowel and Quarter aren't the only ones that are going to be sharing a bed. Gufei and Trace will probably be quite willing to share a bed. And then Duo and I will be perfectly fine sharing one, too." Heythere nodded. "So you're all gay, hmmm? Well, the kid takes after his uncle." Trowel laughed. "A bit more than you know. He does the guns and death threat thing, too."  
  
Duo, who had gone to pick out a room, grabbed Heero by the arm and said "Heero! I found a room. Let's unpack!" Heero and Duo went and unpacked in their room while Trowel and Quarter picked out a room. Gufei and Trace hadn't wasted any time and had had been unpacked by the time Duo picked out a room. Gufei led Trace outside and they wandered off somewhere.  
  
//So I got myself a fourwheel drive,  
  
learned to spotlight deer at night,  
  
and I've got shearin' sheep right down to an art.//  
  
Heythere led Heero and Duo to the cow pasture. He pointed at Duo and said "You first, baka." Duo looked at Heero, silently asking him what he was supposed to do. Heero shrugged his shoulders, and Heythere said "Forget it. Heero, you can milk the cow." Heero fell backwards in surprise and landed on his ass. "You want me to... Milk a cow?" Heythere affirmed that. "Milk the damn cow already." Heero approached the heifer and prodded at the udders. "What the hell do I do?" He asked, not loud enough for anyone to hear. He grabbed one of the teets and pulled towards him. A stream of milk shot out and landed on his face. "Ah, that's what you do." He said, wiping his face. Heero sat down on the stool in front of him and began to milk the cow, only no milk came out. "What's wrong now?" He asked. Heero stood up, grabbed the cows tail, and began pumping it up and down, hoping something would happen. All that happened, however, was the cow decided then would be a good idea to excrete its feces (Or, in laymans terms, it crapped on Heeros shoes). Heero stared at his shoe in disgust and sat back down. "Um... Heero? Lemme try." Heero got off the stool and Duo sat down. Duo began to milk the cow, and milk even came out. "See? That's how you do it, Heero. Now you try." Duo stood up, and watched as Heero sat down and began milking the cow again. This time he was able to do it, and soon he had completed his task.  
  
//One things for sure,  
  
I hate shovelin' manure,  
  
it gets all over my overalls.//  
  
Heythere grinned. "Now it's your turn, you braided imbecile." "Can I hit him or something?" Duo whispered in Heeros ear. "Probably not a good idea, Duo." He answered. "You get the fun job. You get to shovel manure. All of it. From the cow pastures, the horse pastures, the chicken coops, the pig styes, and everything else, too." Duo looked around at all the places Heythere had indicated that he clean. "I can't do that! That'll take forever, and it's dark! And I'm huuuuungryyyyyy!" Heythere gave an evil grin and went back to the house. Hehehe... I really don't like that boy. I'll give him enough work to keep him busy for weeks, but he only has one week to do it in. Maybe I'll take him hunting with me some time or another, just so I can accidentally shoot him or something. Well, that's a bit violent. And he is Heeros boyfriend after all, so I guess I shouldn't do that. But I can blame him for every time I miss.  
  
//Them horses need shoein'  
  
I hear Bessie mooin'  
  
so I thought maybe I'd ask you all  
  
how do you milk a cow?//  
  
"I can help you, Duo. We still wont get done anytime soon, but it wont take as long." Heero offered. "Thanks... Is it just me, or does your uncle really seem to not like me?" "I... Don't think he's all that fond of you." Trowel and Quarter walked by around then, and they asked what was going on. "His uncle says I have to shovel all the manure. Everywhere." "Everywhere? Wow... That would take a long time. It wouldn't take quite as long if we helped, though, would it, Trowel?" Quarter said, looking up at Trowel. "Oh, okay... I'll help too." Quarter smiled. "Okay, let's get started." Gufei and Trace ran down the hill behind the other four and Trace said "We heard what you said, and we would like to help the braided one as well." "His name's Duo, Trace." Heero informed Gufeis boyfriend.  
  
//How do you milk a cow? I think it's safe to say  
  
a man could get arrested for this in L.A.  
  
This heifer must be empty, 'cause she ain't puttin' out.  
  
Oh me I e I o, tell me how do you milk a cow?  
  
(This song is absolutely an udder disaster)  
  
(I hope I don't get mad cow disease)//  
  
Not Too Long After The Sun set...  
  
"That took forever..." Trowel wearily pointed out to the others. "We were already aware of that, Trowel." Gufei replied. "Well, it would have taken a lot longer if you guys hadn't helped me. Thanks." Duo opened the backdoor and they all stepped inside the house. "So, Heythere, what's for dinner?" Duo asked. "All the food that's left. Tomorrw you and I are going hunting so we'll have food." Duo looked at Heythere confusedly. "Hunting? For food? Couldn't you just buy some cheeseburgers or something?" Heythere laughed. "We could make some cheeseburgers, but the cows aren't quite ready to be slaughtered yet." Duos face became pale. "Cows? You kill poor defenseless cows to make hamburgers?" He asked. "Well, yes, everybody does. You didn't know that?" Heythere asked, surprised that Duo was unaware of that. "Well, McDonalds doesn't have any cow meat in their hamburgers. They just use rats or something." Quarter ran to Heythere and asked "Where's the bathroom?" Heythere told him, and Quarter ran out of the room. "I knew that'd get 'im. Of course I knew hamburgers consist of cow meat. I just said that for Quarters benefit."  
  
//How do you milk a cow?  
  
I no longer care.  
  
I'm gettin' sick and tired  
  
of smellin' derriere.  
  
I'm headin' back to county  
  
and I'm turnin' in my plow.  
  
Oh me I e I o,  
  
how do you milk a cow?//  
  
  
  
The Next Day.....  
  
"DUO! WAKE UP! TIME TO HUNT!" Heythere shouted into Duos ear. A startled Duo jumped out of bed (Wearing nothing) and asked "OW, crap! Why the hell'd you do that?" Heero had also been roused by the loud shout, and said "Um... Duo, are you aware of the fact that you aren't wearing anything?" Duo looked down. "Damn!" Duo got back under the sheets and Heero put his arm around him. "Why does he have to hunt with you? You can hunt just fine by yourself. Or are you going to shoot him or something?" Heero asked. "Well, he's going, no matter what. Just because I said so. And if you're worried that I'm going to shoot him, you can go with him instead of me." Heero rolled Duo over until they were facing each other. "I'll go if you're going, Duo. Unless you don't want me to." "Okay, looks like it's me and Heero." Heythere left the room while Heero and Duo got dressed, and gathered the guns and ammunition for them. 


	5. Goodbye, Squirrel!

Chapter 5, to Cledus T. Judds 'Goodbye Squirrel.' Read and review, kay?  
  
Heero grabbed the guns and ammunition for him and Duo. "Heero? Um... Do you know what we're supposed to be hunting for?" Heero shook his head and told Duo to ask Heythere. "Hey there, Heythere. What are we supposed to be hunting, exactly?" Heythere handed Duo a grenade. "A deer. Take this grenade, just in case." Duo walked back to Heero with a puzzled look on his face. "He gave me a grenade." Heero shrugged his shoulders, and Heythere led them out the door to a large forest.  
  
// (Be vewy, vewy quiet.  
  
We'we hunting... Something.)  
  
Me and Harold Mudford were outdoors men  
  
set in our backwoods ways.  
  
Both members of the huntin' club,  
  
both active in the NRA.  
  
(National Redneck Association)//  
  
"Well, you boys have fun. Remember, whether you eat or not tonight depends on what you kill." Heythere called to them as he walked off into the distance towards his house. "Well, let's set up a stand in one of these trees where we can hide until a deer comes by." Heero suggested, and Duo ran around looking for a good tree. "Found one!" He shouted, pointing up at the tree in front of him. "Okay, we'll set it up in that tree. Then all we have to do is wait for a deer to come by, and then one of us'll shoot it. Simple, right?" Duo nodded his head in agreement. "Don't you think we'd have better luck in town? That's where I usually get my food..." Duo asked. "We're hunting, not grocery shopping, Duo. Wild animals only live in forests. Except for maybe squirrels and some occasional wild dogs and cats or something."  
  
//We scouted a location  
  
where we had no doubt  
  
we'd kill the biggest buck in the world.  
  
(I thought 34th corner)//  
  
When they had finished building the stand, Heero got into a position from which he could comfortably see a fairly large amount of the forest and shoot just about anything in that area quite accurately. Duo, on the other hand, went to scratch his nose, forgetting he had the grenade in his hand, and the pin fell out. "DUO! THROW THE DAMN GRENADE!" Heero yelled as he saw the pinless thing in Duos hand. "Oh, crap!" Duo said, and then tossed the grenade down to the ground. When it blew up, a squirrel caught the edge of the explosion and flew up into the tree above Heero and Duo, somehow completely unharmed. "Wow, that's a lucky squirrel. And fuzzy, too! Heero, can I climb up there and get the squirrel?" "Why would you want a squirrel, Duo?" "Well, I could keep it as a pet." Heero frowned slightly. "Duo, what if it has rabies or something?" Duo sighed. "Fine, I'll leave the squirrel alone."  
  
//Harold waited in his tree stand,  
  
but all he seen was a squirrel.  
  
Dang near two weeks since the season started  
  
and neither one of us was amused.  
  
We had on real-tree camo,  
  
high pyred ammo,  
  
but no big game to shoot.//  
  
Heero spotted something moving out of the corner of his eye. "Duo! Look at that! That deer is about as big as a horse!" Duo followed Heeros finger and saw it. "Wow! It's huge! We could make a lot of cheeseburgers out of that thing. SHOOT IT!" Heero took careful aim, and was about to shoot the deer, when the squirrel jumped down from whereever it had landed above them and landed in Heeros hair. "Ah, crap! Get this thing off of me!" Heero yelled, shaking his head, trying to knock the squirrel off, and then he fell off the tree and landed on his head. "OW! CRAP!" Duo climbed down the tree and picked Heero up. "You okay, or do I need to take you to the emergency room or something?" Heero shook his head. "I'm okay."  
  
//Then we finally saw a deer as big as a horse,  
  
Harold had him in his crosshairs.  
  
(Shoot it!)  
  
But that squirrel jumped off a  
  
branch above us  
  
and landed in Harolds hair.  
  
Harold fell off the stand  
  
on his head he landed,  
  
like a wimp he layed there cryin'.  
  
'Til I climbed on down,  
  
picked him up off the ground//  
  
"It's that squirrels fault you fell off the tree, and that you missed the deer. I hate that squirrel... I'm gonna kill it!" "Good idea. That squirrel has to die!"  
  
//And it didn't take us long to decide,  
  
that squirrel had to die!//  
  
Duo set Heero down, and Heero grabbed Duo by the hand and started running. "Where are we going, Heero?" Duo asked as he was being pulled along through the trees. "We're going to town. We're going to get some new supplies." "Well, what's wrong with the stuff we have? Other than the fact that that squirrel seems to like to stop us from using it." Heero gave an evil grin. "Well, that squirrel has to die." Heero took Duo to the surplus store in town, and bought a few items. "Uh, Heero, don't you think a keg of dynamite, two baseball bats, and a case of M-80s is a bit much?"  
  
//Goodbye, squirrel!  
  
With black eyed peas!  
  
You're gonna taste good to me, squirrel.  
  
Come on out of that tree, squirrel.  
  
Hey guess what?  
  
You've eaten your last nut, squirrel!//  
  
"Nope. I'm gonna make that squirrel earn the right to keep me from shooting that deer. If it manages to survive all of this, he wins, and we leave. If not, we get a deer and a squirrel out of the deal." Heero smiled evilly and led Duo back to the forest.  
  
//Me and Harold went down to the surplus store,  
  
bought a keg of dynamite!  
  
Two baseball bats and a case of M-80s,  
  
we were in for one heck of a fight.//  
  
Up in the tree stand, Heero and Duo patiently waited for the squirrel to appear. They finally saw the squirrel, and it was running in circles around the gun Heero had dropped, occasionally jumping on it. "Okay, Duo. This is our chance. Let's climb down there and kill that little bastard." Heero and Duo silently went down the tree, and crept up behind the squirrel. Duo lit the dynamite and dropped it down to the ground. "HOLY CRAP! DUO, THAT FUSE IS WAY TOO SHORT!" Duo and Heero ran as fast as they could, but were cuaght in the blast. Luckily they weren't killed, but they had been shoved forward by the blast into a tree. Once the dynamite had finished blowing up, Heero and Duo fell down from the tree to the ground.  
  
//When you're huntin' with dumb and dumber  
  
somethin's surely bound to go wrong.  
  
(Now be careful!)  
  
And when Harold lit that real short fuse  
  
I knew it wouldn't be long.  
  
When the dynamite blew  
  
Harolds foot did too  
  
and fingers began to fly.  
  
We were barely alive  
  
when the game warden 'rived,  
  
and much to our surprise,  
  
that squirrel didn't die!//  
  
A man approached the two fallen hunters and asked "What are you two doing out here? Did you light that dynamite?" Heero gathered anough energy to nod, and the game warden laughed. "Well, I hope you weren't trying to kill that squirrel, because... Well, it's alive." Duos eyes flew open. "WHAT?!?" The squirrel ran across Heero face and onto Duos crotch, where it bit down. HARD. "OOOWWWWWWW!!!" Duo shrieked in pain. "Well, you know, squirrels do like nuts a lot..." The game warden said, attempting to make a humorous remark, but he winced imagining what kind of pain Duo must be in at the moment. The squirrel ran off into the woods in terror after it saw the way Heero was looking at it. "I'm going to kill that damn squirrel... Not today, maybe not tomorrow, but I'm gonna get it."  
  
//Goodbye, squirrel.  
  
Just one more shot!  
  
You'll be in my crockpot, squirrel!  
  
You'll make a lunch!  
  
You overgrown chipmunk, squirrel.  
  
I'll skin yer hide,  
  
and make a hat when it's dry, squirrel//  
  
Back at Heytheres house, Heero and Duo went over to a conveniently placed couch and lay down in it, falling asleep soon after. After a while, Heythere woke them up. "Where's the deer, Heero?" Heeros face got bright red in anger. "That squirrel interfered... You go out there and shoot a deer! We almost got killed trying to kill the damn thing..." Heythere sighed and grabbed a gun. He left the house and the phone rang immediately afterwards. The ringing stopped, and after a few seconds Qyarter took the phone to Duo (It's cordless.) "Here, Duo. It's for you." Duo talked into the phone for a while, and the person on the other end talked back, and after several minutes, Duo gave the phone back to Quarter. "Heero, that was some guy who says he's my grandpa. He wants me to visit him. He said to bring, er, well... He said to bring my girlfriend and some of my close friends, to go on a camping trip." Heero looked hurt. "He called me a girl? Why'd he do that?" Duo managed a weak laugh. "Well, apparently he doesn't know about my... Er, preferences." Heero nodded his head knowingly. "Well, another call from a family member nobody knew existed. It could be some kind of elaborate plot of Oz's, but nobody tried to kill us or anything here, so I'd say it's safe. Let's go tell the others." Duo stood up. "He said we should go tomorrow. Another interesting coincidence, eh, Heero?"  
  
To be continued...  
  
Well, did you like it? If so, write a review and tell me to write more, and tell me how great I am, and stuff. If not, write a review and tell me I suck. Erm... BYE!  
  
//Dadblame, Harold.  
  
My gosh, Ronnie Milsap could shoot better than you.  
  
Gim-Gimme I said gimme, gimme that gun!  
  
Look out!  
  
.....I think I killed somethin'...// 


	6. To Grandpas House We Go

And here's chapter six. This is another Cledus song, too. Can't remember the name, however. Anyways, don't forget.... READ AND REVIEW!!! Preferably review every chapter. If you wouldn't mind, anyways. So, here it is...  
  
//Cledus went down to Florida,  
  
he was lookin' for a car to steal.  
  
He was in a bind,  
  
10 payments behind,  
  
so the bank repoed his wheels.//  
  
The five gundam pilots (And Trace ShishKebab) were back in their car, heading for Duos grandpas place. "Um... Don't you guys think this is a bit odd? First someone calls and says he's Heeros uncle, wanting us to go to his farm the very next day. Yet Heero didn't even know he existed. And now, someone claiming to be Duos grandpa calls and wants us to visit him the very next day. And he called Heero a girl... Oh yeah, and Duo didn't know he existed either." Gufei wondered aloud. "Yes, that occured to me as well. And could you just forget about the fact that he called me a girl? He obviously didn't know Duo's gay." Gufei grinned. "I'll bet he knew. And he just said you were his girlfriend to piss you off."  
  
//When he came across this old man  
  
down at Jalopys used car lot.  
  
Then Cledus jumped on top of one  
  
and said "Feller let me tell ya what.  
  
I'm not gonna be proud  
  
of the deed I'm about to do.  
  
With no time to spare,  
  
I gotta be somewhere,  
  
so I'm gonna steal a car from you."//  
  
Duo was driving, unfortunately for everyone in the car. "Oh, come on. He couldn't possibly have known. Then again, he couldn't have known I was at Heeros uncles place." Duo said, staring off into space as he tried to figure out how his grandfather had known where he was. "DUO, look out!" Quarter screamed, and Duo spun the wheel sharply to the left. The car spun around 11 1/2 times before Duo got it to stop. "Duo, I know I told you to look out, but that was a bit... Well, ridiculous. I mean, it was just a squirrel." Duos eyes narrowed in anger. "A squirrel? Was it grey?" Quarter nodded his head. "Which way did it go?" He said, his voice low and menacing. "Um... It went that way." Quarter replied, pointing to the left. "Everyone get ready." Duo yelled as he stomped down on the gas pedal and chased after the squirrel. "THERE IT IS! Heero, that's that squirrel! From yesterday!" Heero took a careful look at the squirrel. "You're right. I'd recognise that damn little rat anywhere... KILL IT!" The other three gundam pilots and Trace were all pushed back into their seats as Duo floored the pedal for all it was worth. "AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That squirrel is as good as dead!" Duo shouted, going after the squirrel. "Damn. That's a fast squirrel." Trowel noted. "And lucky, too. It survived two explosions and several random shots. And it survived one of Heeros glares, too." Duo said, and soon afterwards there was a loud popping sound. The car swerved and came to a stop. "DAMN IT! The tire blew... And I was so close, too!"  
  
//Now I've seen your selection here,  
  
and I admit the pickin's are few.  
  
I know the pintos gold,  
  
but consider it stoled,  
  
'cause I got a show to do!//  
  
The driver and passengers of the stranded vehicle filed out. "We're in the middle of nowhere. Crap. Um... Am I hallucinating, or is there a used car lot over there?" Heero pondered. "Jalopys used car lot. What the hell, we don't have a choice. Anyone got any money?" Quarter asked. The others shook their heads. "Um... Quarter? No offense, but... YOU'RE RICH! Shouldn't YOU have some money?" Duo screamed. "Well, I would, but I used the last of it to pay for that go-cart." Duo glared at Quarter suspiciously. "You stole it." "I know, but I felt bad afterwards, so I went and payed for it." Duo frowned, and glanced over at the car lot. "Well, here's your chance to be a thief again." Quarter looked at Duo pleadingly. "Come on, I don't want to have to steal anything again. I only did it that time because of temporary insanity." Duo snorted. "Sure you did. Well, I'll steal it then." Duo ran off towards the car lot. "No, duo! Don't do it! ..... He can't hear me. He's fast... We've got to go after him." Heero said as he ran after Duo. The others followed closely behind.  
  
//The man said "My name's Jalopy,"  
  
as he gave an evil grin,  
  
'cause he knew that car  
  
wouldn't get too far  
  
'for the motor blew up again.//  
  
By the time Heero and the others had caught up to Duo, he had already jumped onto one of the cars. "Look, old man, our car broke down not too far from here, so we're taking one of yours. We don't have any money, not even Daddy Morebucks over there. So, how about we just trade our car for yours? We'll just take that gold pinto over there." The man looked like he was about to say something, but then became confused. He pulled out a piece of paper and read it. "Oh, right, here it is. 'My name's Jalopy.' Okay." The man cleared his throat and said "My name's Jalopy." And gave an evil grin. "Sure, I'll get your car, and you go ahead and take the pinto." Duo inspected the Pinto. "Uh-oh. Only five seats. Okay, gundam pilots take priority. Trace goes in the trunk." Trace stared at Duo in disbelief. Duo popped open the trunk and forced Trace inside. "H-h-hey! You c-can't do t-t- this to m-me! I-I'm af-f-fraid of the dark..." Duo closed the trunk and got in the drivers seat. "Duo, get out. I'm driving." Trowel informed him. "Okay, fine. You drive. We'll see if you can compare to me." Duo said as they switched places.  
  
//Cledus, you better hit the road  
  
if you're gonna be a star.  
  
The shows way up in georgia  
  
and your opening up for Garth.  
  
Your future's riding on that shiny pinto painted gold  
  
and if you're late it's Jeff Foxworthy's show.//  
  
The pinto pulled out of the used car lot, and Trowel began the long drive to Duos grandfathers house. "Um... Trowel? I'm hungry. Do you see anywhere where we could stop and get something to eat?" Duo asked the boy driving. "Nope. I'll tell you when I do." Maybe. If you're quiet, I might. But if you bug the crap out of me, no way in hell. Duo pulled out a piece of paper and began reading. It's a good thing I got this from Jalopy. So, if I'm quiet, Trowel will notify me when we find somewhere to eat.  
  
//Oh, darn! A pinto my foot!  
  
It drives more like a horse and buggy!  
  
Dern!  
  
Cledus said "No way in heck  
  
he's gonna open up that show!"  
  
Then fire flew from the manifold  
  
as his right foot tire blowed.  
  
And he pushed that wreck across the street  
  
and man was Cledus tissed.  
  
He tried and tried to start 'er up  
  
but it sounded somethin' like this.//  
  
Oh shit! Trowel thought. "Oh shit!" Trowel said. "Mfo Fffhit!" Duo said, his mouth full of cheeseburger. He swallowed and said "I found my emergency supply of cheeseburgers! Oh yeah, what'd you say oh shit for, Trowel?" All of a sudden smoke came out from under the hood of the car and then it quickly came to a halt. "That's why." Heero got out and opened the hood. After several minutes, he went around to Trowels window. "Looks like we're walking."  
  
//When Cledus opened up the hood  
  
he said "I'll be a son of a gun!"  
  
And it didn't take long to figure out  
  
what the heck, it wouldn't run!  
  
Fire from the engine lots of smoke.  
  
He can already hear them redneck jokes.//  
  
Trowel, Duo, Gufei, and Quarter got out of the car. I hope nobody remembers Trace... Duo thought hopefully. I just can't stand that guy. "Aren't you forgetting someone, Duo?" Gufei asked as Duo walked by him. "Shit. You remembered him. Well, it makes sense. I'd remember Heero if he were left behind. Hey... Where's Heero?" Duo ran around the car screaming "Heero? Where are you? ANSWER ME!" Gufei opened the trunk and let Trace out. "Duo, I'm right here." Duo heard from under the car. Duo jumped down to the ground and looked under the car, finding himself face to face with Heero. "Oh, there you are, Heero. Come on, we hafta leave."  
  
//Dadblame old pan layin' in the road.  
  
Will he make the show, heck no, heck no.  
  
(Taxi! Greyhound! Yeller cab! Somebody!  
  
I'll show him a red neck!  
  
He'll have a red neck when I get  
  
my hands around his throat.)//  
  
Heero crawled out from under the car and Duo quickly grabbed his hand and ran towards the others. "HEERO! It's that squirrel again! Let's get him!" Gufei jumped in front of Duo and managed to trip him. Duo fell flat on his face, followed closely by Heero. "Why'd you do that?" Duo whined. "No more squirrel hunting, Maxwell." Duo held up a cup of coffee. "Coffee, Gufei?" Gufei sighed and took the coffee. "Remind me never to call you Maxwell agai..." Duo held up another cup. Gufei grabbed the cup. "No more coffee! I hate to admit it, but it does taste pretty good. But still, I can only handle so much coffe in a certain period of time. Otherwise I'll be up all night." Trace slipped his arm around Gufei. "Well, I wouldn't mind that at all." He said, and took one of the cups from Gufei. "Argh, hurry up! We've got to find a car or something." Duo yelled, several yards ahead of the others.  
  
//Cledus shook his head as he watched Foxworthys show,  
  
and he heard him joke of how he passed a burning gold pinto.  
  
Then later on Garth told Cledus "You'll never get the chance again"  
  
As he gave the check to that derned redneck who drove a mercedies binz.  
  
He said "Tough break big guy before I go,  
  
would you like to hear another red neck joke?  
  
Did you know I got my own t.v. show?  
  
Well does anybody watch it?"  
  
No, heck no.//  
  
"Hey, look up ahead! It's a building. Maybe they have a car we can borrow, or maybe we can stay the night there or something. I don't know, but anythings better than nothing, right?" Duo asked. "Sure, what the hell. Let's go." Trowel said. Heero slipped his arm around Duo and said "You know, it's getting pretty late... We could ask if we can stay the night, and... Well... Use your imagination."  
  
To be continued...  
  
REVIEW IT, NOW! Tell me you loved it, tell me I'm great, tell me you hated it, tell me I suck, just say something! As Duo said, anything's better than nothing. I should have the next chapter up pretty soon. Then again, the last time I said that, I didn't get the next chapter up for about a month because nobody reviewed it. The moral of that story is if you review this (And hopefully the other chapters, too) I'll get the next chapter up real soon. If not... I might not get the next one up for a while. Bye! 


	7. Let's Stay at The Motel Californie... On...

Thanks for the reviews, people! I looooooove getting good reviews. It makes feel fuzzy and warm inside. By the way... Just 'cause I'm such a nice guy, there just might be a guest star appearing some time soon. Um... If it isn't too much to ask, I'd like lots more reviews. And, on that note, here's the 7th chapter to Cledus T. Judds 'Motel Californie'...  
  
"Hmmm.... This place doesn't look so great after all... Maybe we should just keep going." Duo said uncertainly. Just then there was a huge earthquake and the ground split open behind the building, making it impossible for the group to get by. "I don't care, I'm still not staying here." Then a tree fell out of nowhere and landed on the other side of the split in the ground, and it was lit on fire by a sudden bolt of lightning. "Damn it, I'm not going in there! I'll find a way across that split and I'll jump over the damn fire." Then a moat appeared in front of the split in the ground, full of water and sharks. "I'm still going over there." Then the clouds parted above them, and a huge hand appeared. The hand smacked Duo, and he fell to the ground. "You're going in there, whether you want to or not!" A thunderous, glorious voice proclaimed from the clouds. "Fine... Heero, looks like we're going in the damn place..." Duo said. Heero, for some odd reason, was several steps away from Duo. "Duo? Why were you talking to the sky like that? And why did you throw yourself onto the ground?" Duo stared at Heero in confusion. "What do you mean? I was talking to God." Heero nodded his head. "Oh, that's okay then. I thought you were talking to the voices in your head or something." "No, they only talk to me on Mondays and Wednesdays, for some reason." Heero backed away even further. "I'm just kidding!"  
  
//(Yay! All right. Way to go!  
  
Ooooh! Wooooh! Oh, yeahah!  
  
Oh... Who is that?)  
  
On a dark country highway  
  
in my candy apple corvair. (I have no idea how to spell that. I am car-illiterate. Sue me.)  
  
A strong smell of Cledus  
  
need to change underwear.  
  
Up ahead in the distance  
  
I saw a sickenin' sight.//  
  
Trowel went up to the door of the run down building and knocked. The sign above it said it was the Motel Californi. An old woman opened the door slowly. "Hello. Welcome to the Motel Californi. I hope..." She paused and cackled evilly. "... You enjoy your stay... Ehe... Ehehehe... AHAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh, sorry. Just thinking about a funny joke I heard earlier." She led the six boys into the lobby and made them all sign the register sheet. Oddly enough, there were no other guests. (Gee, wonder why that is.) "Um... I couldn't help but notice that there aren't any other people here." Quarter nervously pointed out, obviously wanting to know just why that was (As if it wasn't incredibly obvious, with all the dog crap everywhere). "Well, there's only one room here in the Motel Californie." She replied.  
  
//My tank near empty and the lights is dim,  
  
I reckon I'll stop for the night.  
  
The sign out front said vacancy,  
  
so I punched the bell.  
  
Dog mess everywhere I stepped,  
  
holy cow, oh my god, what a smell!//  
  
"Uh... Okay... That could pose some problems." Duo said, and then blushed. "Heero and I had plans..." The woman stared at him mysteriously, her face half covered in shadows. "Could you stop that, already? You're freaking me out." The woman lit all the candles in the room, of which there were about 50 (Meaning the candles, not 50 rooms). "Okay, that was a bad idea... Now it's even worse." The woman glared at Duo. "Shut up, you braided fool! I'm not done being spooky and mysterious yet. Ahem... Sweet dreams, young mortals... I sincerely hope you awake form them. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Duo sighed and asked her "Are you done yet?" The old woman thought for a moment and then said "AHAHAHAHA! Okay, now I'm done. Good night!" The boys walked to the room she had indicated to, and saw that it was a huge mess. "Damn... This place is full of junk. And... There's only one bed. Uh... All who want to sleep on the floor, raise your hand." Heero said. No hands were in the air. "Right then... We're going to have to draw straws to see who sleeps in the bed. Unless everyone's willing to sleep in the same bed." The others all said they were willing to share the bed. "I would feel horrible if someone had to sleep on THAT floor because of me." Quarter admitted.  
  
//Then she fired up a lantern  
  
and she showed me her face.  
  
False teeth in an old fruit jar!  
  
Thought I heard them say  
  
"welcome to the Motel Californie."  
  
Such an ugly place  
  
filled with toxic waste.//  
  
Duo, Heero, Quarter, Trowel, Gufei, and Trace all climbed into the bed. "It's a bit crowded in here..." Gufei noted. "Let's see... One..." Duo yelped as Gufei pinched his ass. "Two..." Heero shouted out suddenly. "Three..." Quarter screamed. "Four..." Trowel slapped Gufei and said "Don't do that!" "Five, counting me. Six..." Trace whimpered slightly. "..... Seven? That's not right. Who the hell is in here?" Gufei asked. "I am known as... Judeca. But some call me.... Tim? Nah, screw it, I'm Judecca." "Uh... Okay then, Judecca, what the hell are you doing in our room?" Judecca's eyes glowed a firey red in the darkness of the room. "Well, that's very simple, you see... OH MY GOD!!! DUO!!!" Duo cowered in fear as the mysterious person called Judecca grabbed him and kissed him several times before noticing Quarter. "QUARTER!" "Trowel, help!" Quarter screamed fearfully, but before Trowel was able to protect him, Judecca went from Duo to Quarter. (Hey, come on, I just had to do it. I'm insane, the voices made me do it, okay? I'm not literally insane... But I act like it all the time... Crap, I talk too much.)  
  
//Ain't but one room  
  
at the Motel Californi.  
  
Man this place is weird.  
  
Gosh, I'm really skeered!//  
  
Suddenly the door burst open, and another shadowy figure entered. "I... Am the author. Well, the second physical form of the author to have appeared in this chapter thus far. Er... Yeah... Anyways... I gotta steal you people away from me so I can have some fun, too." He said, before grabbing Duo and pulling him out of the room. "Holy shit, this place is weird! We have to get out of here!" Trowel screamed, but when he went to run he found himself staring Heero in the eyes. "Nobody leaves until we get Duo back, got it?" Heero growled at the retreating boy before him. "Uh... Sure. But... What about that Judecca person?" Heero glanced at Judecca. "I don't really know. But you should probably hurry up and save Quarter." (Hehehe. The story wouldn't be complete without the appearance of another odd figure, right?) Someone crashed through the window and landed in the middle of the room.  
  
//The faucets weren't price fister, oh!  
  
Scorched my contact lense!  
  
The hot said cold and the cold said hot,  
  
the wall heater burned the hair off my shins.//  
  
"Damn it, not another one." Heero sighed. "Greetings, gundam pilots. And Trace ShishKebab. You can call me Vinsfeld, though the author's going to call me Vinsy because he's way too lazy to type the whole thing." Duo ran back into the room, screaming. "Wow, Heero, your boyfriend's a really good kisser..." The author said, as he stumbled into the room. "However, I'm afraid I can't be the good guy here. I'm always the bad guy. Just call me Judecca, I'll be your killer tonight." Judecca slid a knife out of his pocket and lunged for Gufei, since he was the closest to him. "I won't let you kill any of them!" Vinsy heroicly said, valiantly jumping in front of the knife. "Ha! Your knife cannot hurt me with my armor on!" Vinsy said confidently. "Really? Well, I usually can't do crap with knives. I'm an expert with guns." The shadow-enshrouded man lifted his arm, leveling his shotgun at Vinsy. "So nyah!" Unfortunately, he seemed to have forgotten about Judecca, who attacked him from behind with his discarded knife. When the knife was pulled away, there was a large gash in the authors back. "Dammit. My only chance for surival is to... Run like hell!" Then the author ran from the room, never to be seen again by the itsy bitsy spider he killed, however probably to be seen again by the gundam pilots.  
  
//My room resembled a scrap yard  
  
from a busted up t.v. set.  
  
Rain was blowin' through my winders!  
  
Now my bed's soakin' wet.  
  
Then I called up room service, for a cheeseburger and fries.  
  
That thing tasted like it'd been cooked back in 1969.//  
  
"Hmmm... How the hell did I end up in this place? One minute I was sitting at home, minding my own business, then I bust through a window and I'm here." Vinsy wondered. A voice that seemed to come from nowhere echoed through the room, saying "I put you in here. This is my fic, and I can do whatever I want in it." Judecca ran around the room, yelling "Wheeeeeeeeee! This is fun! I got to make out with Duo and Quatre, and now I'm running around the room like a crazy person! Why am I running?" Judecca stopped and stood still, examining everyone in the room. "Hmmm.... This is the seventh chapter. Shouldn't you guys be to Duos grandfathers house by now?" Heero nodded his head. "If it wasn't for that damn squirrel, we'd have been there already." Then a squirrel climbed over the broken glass that was all that was left of the window. "It's that squirrel again! Get it!"  
  
//You could hear my gas exploding from far away.  
  
Woke up the clerk in the middle of the night, I swore I heard her say  
  
"Have you enjoyed your stay at the Motel Californi?"  
  
Oh, I ain't feelin' well, 'cause the room sure smells.  
  
She said "We give it our best at the Motel Californi.  
  
Surely you got some rest?"  
  
Hell, I froze to death!//  
  
"HEERO! No more trying to kill squirrels." Trowel yelled. Then Vinsy tossed the overgrown rat out the window, and it fell into the moat full of sharks. It shrieked an ear-splitting shriek, causing everyone in the room to cover their ears. "Why'd you have to do that?" Quarter asked, running to the window and looking at the spot the squirrel had gone down in, tears running down his face. "That poor little squirrel..." Then all the sharks in the moat flopped out onto the ground, dead as doornails. The squirrel leapt out of the water and latched onto Quarters face. "AAAAAAAAHHH! GET IT OFF! It's like in that movie, aliens!" Quarters voice got weaker with every word, and he soon passed out, presumably from terror. Vinsy grabbed the squirrel and forced a stick of dynamite down its throat, tossing it out the window afterwards. Judecca graciously offered to perform CPR on the fallen blond haired boy. "Nuh-uh. I'll do the CPR-ing around here." Trowel shouted quickly, running to Quarter.  
  
//Stalactites from the ceiling, thermostat covered in ice.  
  
Then I prayed, god I long for a Holiday Inn, or a Motel 6 would be nice.  
  
Went to the old maids chambers for a clean change of sheets.  
  
Somebody stabbed her with an old buck knife, she was cold dead, yeah, deceased!//  
  
There was silence in the room as a scream rang throughout the building, a scream that was very suddenly cut short... Duo ran from the room to investigate, the others close behind. Duo opened a door down the hall and saw the old woman laying on her bed, a knife through her heart. Duo, being barefoot, slipped on the puddle of blood on the floor, and was caught by Heero. There was an eery glow coming from the knife, and as Judecca approached it to inspect it and see what made it glow, a huge hole opened up in the air above it. Judecca and Vinsy were then pulled into the hole, and it closed up, leaving the knife dull and glow-less.  
  
//Last thing I bumember, I busted down my room door.  
  
Feelin' nautious as my stomache churned from the scene I just seen before.  
  
I took some X-Laxx from the night stand, (Never used it, can't spell it.)  
  
and here on the toilet I sat.  
  
As soon as I get my big but up from here,  
  
I'm gonna call up Tom Bodett.// (Ooh, looky, another person I've never heard of...)  
  
Then Trace noticed there was a glow coming from the window. He pulled aside the curtains, revealing the sun. "Holy crap, it's day already?!?" Duo asked, not believing that was possible. "Looks like it." Gufei agreed. "How the hell did time go by that fast?" The boys all turned around to go back to their room to get their stuff so they could leave, but much to their surprise... The Motel Californi was gone. It had just vanished. "That was weird... Our stuff is over there, let's get it and get the hell out of here!" Heero pointed out. "And... Look! Over there! It's our car, and the wheel's fixed, too!" Trowel rubbed his eyes, unable to figure out how that was possible. "I don't even want to know, anymore. Let's just go!" Quarter muttered. All of the others agreed to that and got into their car. Quarter was in the drivers seat when the car started up. "Everyone buckled up? All of you ready to go? Everyone comfortable?" Quarter asked cheerily. "Just go, already!" Duo said, looking troubled. "What's the matter with you, Duo?" Heero asked. "Look at that sign there." Duo said, pointing at a sign up ahead. "Motel Californie, 15 miles?!?" Quarter read, as confused as all the others. "Look over there, it's Jalopies used car lot. Somehow we all dreamed that, and judging by the way you all seem to know what I'm talking about, we had the exact same dream. Which is impossible, right?"  
  
".... I don't care, let's just get out of here, okay?" Trace whined, and Quarter stepped on the gas pedal.  
  
To be continued...  
  
A bit odd, I must admit, even for me... But it worked, no? In the next chapter the gundam boys'll finally get to Duos grandfathers house. But... Well, if you listen to Cledus T' Judds songs, you just might know what happens when they get there. Anyways, This is where I sign off, so bye, people. Oh, and don't forget, I WANT REVIEWS! Heero? Tell them.  
  
Heero: Okay, you. Either you write a review or you die. Got it? Now, start typing! 


	8. Oh, no! Grandpa Got Runned Over by a Joh...

The 8th chapter. This is the farthest I've managed to get writing a fanfic... One of the others stopped at 6, the other at 5. Which reminds me, I should probably write more chapters for that sometime soon. Anyways,  
  
this chapter is to Cledus T. Judds 'Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere'. And so here it is...  
  
//Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere  
  
walkin' home from the moose lodge Christmas Eve.//  
  
"Are we there yet?" Trace asked. "NO, DAMMIT! STOP ASKING! You're worse than Duo..." Quarter finally yelled in frustration. "Hey, I'm not doing anything, so how can you even compare him to me?" Duo whined. "Duo, you're whining. Stop it. It's annoying me." Gufei informed him. "Damn you all! Except Heero, of course. He remains undamned, and shall remain so forever. I laminated him, so all damns just slide off his smooth, shiny, really... Cute... Skin..." Duo began to drool, staring at Heero. "Duo? Duo? Duo? Duo? Duo?" Heero turned off the CD player. "The CD is scratched. Um... Duo? You just gonna stare at me and drool the whole way to your grandpas house?" A string of drool fell from Duos mouth. "DUO! Snap out of it!" Heero yelled. Duo sat up straight, and wiped the drool from his mouth. "Oops. Sorry... Uh, Heero? I got a really great idea for tonight... Seeing as how we're in a car with four other people, I wont tell you right now. Maybe later." Heero handed Duo a comic book. "Here, read this." He said, and then turned his attention back to the CD player, trying to think of a way to repair the scratch. "Damn... It isn't possible to repair this thing, is it? Ah, who cares, I'm going to fix it anyways."  
  
//You can say there's no such thing as Santa,  
  
but after suin' John Deere, I believe!//  
  
Duo opened up the comic, and instead of the usual thing you find in comic books, (You know, like pages and stuff) he found two condoms and several interesting suggestions for things to do in bed (Other than sleep). "Wow, I never thought of that." Duo mumbled. "What did you say, Duo?" Gufei, who was sitting right next to Duo, asked, looking at the 'comic'. "WOW! That's a great idea! I wonder why that never occured to me... Hehehe... Um, Duo, could I borrow that after you're done?" Gufei pleaded. "Ask Heero, it's his." Gufei looked at Heero in surprise. "Heero? Wow, I never really pictured you looking through one of those... Um, can I borrow it after you and Duo are done?" Heero shook his head. "Nope." Gufei slammed his fists on the headrest of Heeros seat. "Dammit! Why not? Come on, I could use a few new ideas, too, you know." Heero gave a slight smile. "Well, buy one then. They aren't THAT expensive. Only about 30 dollars..." Gufei glanced at the 'comic', then right back at Heero. "30 dollars just for that?" Heero laughed. "Well, there were a few other things that came with it..."  
  
//He'd been a guzzlin' ol' Jack Daniels  
  
and smokin' that wacky weed.//  
  
"Holy crap! That looks like fun!!!" Duo suddenly screamed, seeming just a bit too happy for Gufeis comfort. "Uh, Duo, you're getting a bit... Excited. And I don't necessarily mean emotionally." He said, pointing at the lump in Duos pants. "Erm... Well, who cares? I really wanna try this one..." Duo stared at the 'comic' in front of him, and Heero asked "You're on number 23, aren't you?" Duo nodded his head. "Yup. Lemme guess, you liked that one too, didn't ya?" "Maybe... Maybe not." Quarter was beginning to get irritated. "Could you stop talking about that stuff, alrea..." Duo shoved 'number 23' in front of Quarters face. "HOLY!! Um, Heero? Could you, maybe, you know, um, let Trowel and I, uh, er, borrow that, you know, like, later?" Heero laughed at the, erm, excited Quarter. "Sure, you can borrow it." Gufei leaned forward and looked Heero in the eyes. "Heero. Why are you letting Quarter borrow it, and not me?" "Well, if you were a bit nicer to Duo, I might just let you borrow it." (By the way, just to make things nice and clear, Quarter is driving, Heero is in the front passenger seat next to Quarter, Duo was behind Quarter, Gufei next to Duo, and Trace was squeezed in between Gufei and Trowel, who was behind Heero. Nice and clear now, right?)  
  
//He mixed it with his medication  
  
and run off with some bleach blond named Bernese.//  
  
"Duo, if you tell your boyfriend I've been nice to you, I'll give you... A hundred bucks." Gufei whispered in Duos ear. "Nope." "A hundred dollars and a few CDs." "Nope." "The hundred, the CDs, a candy bar and a bag of chips." Duo hesitated, but then said "Nope." Gufei was quite frustrated, and looked through his pack for something else he could bribe Duo with. "Aha! Okay, the hundred, the CDs, the candy bar, the chips, and a porno movie." Duo was about to refuse the offer, but then paused. "A gay porno movie, right?" Gufei nodded. "Um... Well... Okay, fine. You win." Duo replied. Then, louder, so Heero could hear him, he said "Heero, Gufei has been very nice, kind, polite, curteous, and I don't have a thesaurus, so I'm gonna stop now. The point is, could you let him borrow this, er, 'comic' after we're done with it? And after Quarter and Trowel are done, of course." Heero thought it over for a moment and then nodded his head. "Okay. He can borrow it."  
  
//When we found him Christmas mornin'  
  
we thought he'd had a heart attack.//  
  
"Gufei, gimme the stuff, now." Gufei handed Duo a hundred dollar bill, several CDs, a candy bar, a bag of potato chips, and a video tape. Duo reached into his backpack and pulled out a television about the size of a computer monitor, with a built in VCR. "What the hell? You brought a tv?" Gufei asked, unable to believe Duo had managed to fit it in his backpack. "Yup." Duo popped the video into the VCR and turned the tv so he, Gufei, Trace and Trowel could see the screen. Gufei looked all around the car, trying to keep his eyes away from the screen, Trace stared at the screen, and then at Gufei every once in a while, occasionally asking "Gufei, are we going to do THAT tonight?" Followed by Gufei blushing and slightly nodding his head. Trowel stared at the screen in shock for a while before comfortably positioning himself and watching it with a good sized lump in his pants (Not as big as Duos, though). Afer a while, Heero looked back to see what everyone was staring at (Or in Gufeis case, avoiding staring at). "Wow. Hey, Duo, is that your tape?" Heero asked. "Well, it is now." "Good, we might be able to use it for ideas..."  
  
//But he had tire prints on his forehead  
  
and incriminating hickeys on his neck.//  
  
(Okay, I've been dwelling on this for quite a while, don't you think? Well... Hey, what the hell, I'm having fun! More, more, more I tell you! There's gonna be more!) Gufei absent-mindedly slipped his hand into his pants. "Gufei. Your hand." Duo said, pointing. "Oh, um, I just had an itch..." He replied, his face bright red, and then he removed his hand. "Yeah, right." Duo grinned as he got a brilliant idea. "hehehe... Here ya go, Gufei... Trace.... Trowel... Quarter..." Duo said, handing each of them a lollipop. Trowel was the first to inspect his closely. "Um, Gufei? Trace? Quarter? I suggest you examine those very carefully." Quarter was the first to figure out what Trowel had meant. "These aren't lollipops! They're... Cherry flavored condoms?!?" Duo smiled. "A gift from my heart to yours." He began to giggle, but stopped when Gufei glared at him. (Okay, now I think I'm done. For now, anyways.)  
  
//Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere  
  
walkin' home from the moose lodge Christmas Eve.//  
  
Quarter pulled up at a normal looking house on a normal looking street and turned off the engine. "We're here. Finally. That was getting a bit weird." This time Duo wasn't able to keep from giggling insanely. "Well, I noticed you kept the condom." He managed to get out before he fell to the ground, rolling around, laughing. "Well... I couldn't refuse a gift, could I?" Quarter asked, blushing. Duo controlled his laughter and stood up. "Okay, let's go knock on the door." "He's your relative. You knock." Heero said. "Oh yeah? Well, you just brought up a way to do this I can't quite resist. Heero..." Duo began, and pulled a ring out of his pocket. "Will you marry me?" Heero looked stunned, and then blushed slightly. "Well, uh... Yes?" "Is that a question or a statement, Heero?" Duo asked. Heero cleared his throat nervously and then said, with more confidence, "Yes. You bet I will." Duo grinned. "Good, now he's your relative-in-law, so you knock." Heero stuck out his tongue at Duo, and Duo wrapped his lips around the extended tongue. "Hey, leh go uh my huung!" Heero attempted to say, and Duo complied. Heero smiled. "Okay, fine, I'll knock." Heero knocked on the door, and when an old man opened the door, he wrapped his arms around him and said "Hi, grandpa! How are you?" The man stared at him in confusion. "You don't look like Duo..." Then he spotted Duo. "Grandson, who the hell is this guy? And where's your girlfriend? I told you to bring your girl, so why didn't you? You're supposed to respect your elders and do as they say."  
  
//You can say there's no such thing as Santa,  
  
but after suin' John Deere, I believe.//  
  
Duo gave a large smile and said "I did." Duos grandfather, who introduced himself as Zero Maxwell, looked around at the small group. "Well, where is she then? I want to meet the pretty young thing." Duo grinned even wider. "'She' just hugged you." Zero turned around and looked closely at Heero. "Unless I'm mistaken, this young man is not a girl." "That's right. He's not. He's a boy. That's why he's my boyfriend, and not my girlfriend. Well, actually we got engaged, so he's my fiance now." Zero blinked. "When did you get engaged?" "About 10, 20 seconds ago. Somewhere around there." Zero scratched his head in confusion. "You're an odd boy. You must take after your father." Duo looked rather uncomfortable. "I wouldn't know. He died when I was really little." Zero began dancing around on the lawn. "Grandma got run over by a reindeer..." He sang. "Oh, sorry. I'll stop now. Your father is not dead." Zero said mysteriously. A man wearing a black costume and helmet came out of the house and walked up to Duo. He just stood there breathing heavily for a few moments before taking off the helmet and lifting a small canister to his mouth. "Sorry, I have asthma. Duo, I am your father, Uno Maxwell."  
  
//Now we're all ashamed of Grandpa.  
  
He took Grandmas death too well.  
  
He started watching porno movies  
  
and engaging in phone sex with cousin Nell.//  
  
A woman ran out of the house and hugged Duo tightly. "Oh, Duo, you're finally here! I was waiting for forever! Oh, I'm so happy!!! Um. Duo, your grandfather said you were bringing your girlfriend. So, where is she? I'd like to meet my future daughter-in-law." Duo pointed to Heero, and his mother turned around. "I don't see her...Is she hiding behind this boy?" She asked, looking behind Heero. "Hmmm... Well, she isn't behind him, but his behind is cute..." Heero laughed. "Like mother, like son, I guess." Duos mother, who said she was Emma, (Maxwell, of course, though before she married Mr. Maxwell, her name was Emma Lesbo.) seemed quite confused.  
  
//It's a better Christmas without Grandpa.  
  
Last year in church he mooned the choire//  
  
"What do you mean by that?" She asked Heero. Duo answered for him. "Well, ya see, I don't exactly have a girlfriend. Just Heero. I guess I probably could have done better, but he was all I could get on such short notice." Heero glared at Duo once again. "Hey, I'm just kidding! Come on, you know I love you." Emma slowly made her way over to Heero. "AAAHHH!!!" Heero yelled. "Jeez, everybodys been pinching my ass lately..." Duo gasped in disbelief. "MOM! Back off, he's mine! Besides, you're already married. So leave Heero alone." An old woman walked out the front door. "Wow, seems like my whole family lives here." Duo mused. His grandmother (Her name is Heesa. Before she got married, her name was Heesa Homo. I'm sorry, I just can't resist funny word twists! And I'd like to have some rhymes, but I just don't have the time.) walked over to Heero and put her arm around his shoulder. "So, you seeing anyone, or can you pick me up tonight at eight?"  
  
//At first we thought it was Alzheimers  
  
but looking back we realised he was wired.//  
  
"Uh... I'm seeing someone." Heesa looked upset. "Who? Tell me!" Heero pointed at Duo, but Heesa seemed to think he was pointing to Emma. "What?!? Emma, you've been cheating on Uno?!?" She asked in disbelief. "No, he wasn't pointing to me, mom." Emma said, and stepped aside. Heesa was quite confused. "He's Duos boyfriend, mom." Emma said, trying not to laugh at the puzzled look on Heesas face. "Ah... Okay..."  
  
//Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere  
  
walkin' home from the moose lodge Christmas Eve  
  
You can say there's no such thing as Santa  
  
but after suin' John Deere I believe//  
  
After everything had been explained so Heesa was no longer confused, Zero reminded the boys of the camping trip he had planned. Hmmm... Why does he all of a sudden call me up and say he wants to take me camping? Odd... Oh well. Unfortunately, they never got to go on that camping trip. For, at that very moment, the squirrel that had almost gotten Heero and Duo killed was climbing around on Zeros tractor. The squirrel jumped onto a lever, and the tractor rolled downhill, headed right for Zero. Before anyone saw it, it was too late to stop it. The John Deere ran right over Zero, and the squirrel jumped off onto Duos head. "Duo! That squirrel! That squirrel killed Zero!" Heero said, grabbing a brick conveniently located on the ground next to him to throw at the squirrel. "Heero, the squirrel is on my head. You are not throwing a brick at it."  
  
//Yeah I filed myself a lawsuit  
  
and they awarded me two mil.  
  
You know grandpa didn't leave me nothin'  
  
but thanks to that ol' John Deere he got killed.//  
  
"Okay, fine. But it's trying to cut off your braid now." "THROW THE BRICK! KILL THE LITTLE BASTARD!" Duo raged. "I WANT IT DEAD!" I figured that'd get him to let me throw a brick at it. Heero threw the brick, and it would have it the squirrel, too, but the squirrel jumped up, holding onto Duos braid. The brick hit his braid and fell straight down onto his head. "Wow, that's a smart squirrel." Heero admitted. "Heero, when I wake up, I'm gonna kill you..." Duo said before becoming completely unconcious.  
  
//Funny, all my friends and neighbors turned up on the grand jury.  
  
I bribed 'em just like Johnny (Something or another, don't have a damn clue what the guys name is)  
  
when they set O'J' Simpson free.  
  
Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere  
  
walkin' home from the moose lodge Christmas Eve.//  
  
When Duo finally woke up, the first thing he did was look around for a clock. He found one, and saw that it was almost midnight, about 6 1/2 hours after they had gotten there. "Huh? Heero? Where are you?" Was the next thing he said when he realised Heero wasn't sleeping beside him. "Right here, Duo. You started waking up, so I figured I should bring some food." Duo turned his attention towards his stomache and realised he was starving. "Good thinking. I'm absolutely starving. So, uh, just what kind of food did you bring?" He asked. "I brought the exact same thing you ordered at McDonalds on the way to my uncles. So, here you go."  
  
//You can say there's no such thing as Santa,  
  
but after suin' John Deere, I believe.  
  
Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere  
  
walkin' home from the moose lodge Christmas Eve.  
  
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,  
  
but after suin' John Deere, I believe.//  
  
"Heero... Grandpa... Died, didn't he? That wasn't a dream, was it?" Heero sighed and confirmed it. "Yes, he died. That damn squirrel ran him over with a John Deere. And then it jumped on your head and I... Oh, crap." Duo remembered why had had been knocked out. "And you threw that brick at me." "Hey, I threw it at the squirrel. The squirrel pulled your braid up and the brick bounced off it and hit you on the head. It wasn't my fault!" Heero sat down on the bed next to Duo (I didnt mention the fact that Duo was in a bed, did I? Oh, well. I just like to leave the surroundings to the readers imagination. Makes it more fun, I guess.) Duo hugged Heero, but before they could go any further than a simple hug, there was an earth-shaking sneeze. "What the hell was that?!?"  
  
To be continued...  
  
Well, another chapter gone... Next is chapter nine. IF I get more good reviews. Or reviews containing constructive criticism. Either one works. Hell, you can even give me bad reviews. At your own risk, of course. And for those of you who have already reviewed this fanfic... Review it again. Kay? Well, now I'm tired, so I'm going to sleep. BYE!!! 


	9. Where The Grass Don't Grow, Is Where Qua...

Well, here's the... Er... Hold on a sec......... The 9th chapter, I think. Set to Cledus T. Judds 'Where The Grass Don't Grow'. Oh, by the way, I'm considering starting a new series. So, if you're reading this, click on my name and look at my other fanfics, got it? Read the other two, and pretty soon there should be a fourth. And don't forget to read and review. Kay? All right then...  
  
"What the hell was that?" Heero asked, poking a finger in his ear to make sure he could at least still feel pain in it. "That was loud. I don't think my eardrum is busted, though. How the heck could anyone sneeze that loud?" Heero jumped off of the bed, and was about to run out the door to see what was going on. "Uh, Duo, you coming? Or are you going to stay there?" Heero asked, pausing by the door. He turned and saw that Duo had fallen asleep. "What the hell? Someone sneezes an eardrum-bursting sneeze, and Duo fell asleep?!? Something is not right!" (Said frequently by Miss. Clevel, or however the hell you spell her name.) Heero put on a nuns outfit and ran from his room, saying "Something is not right!" He ran to the source of the sneeze, which turned out to be Quarter and Trowels room.  
  
//(My head feels like it's big as a dadblame basketball.)  
  
It's a shame, I'm a sight.  
  
Red eyes itchy both day and night.//  
  
Heero threw open the door and ran into the room. "Heero, what are you doing dressed like that?" Heero glanced down, and threw off the nuns outfit. "Who sneezed?" Trowel pointed at Quarter. Heero followed his extended index finger to the red-eyed figure blowing his nose. "Hmmm.... Quarter, how did you manage to sneeze like that?" Heero questioned. "I.... I don't.... KnowwwAAAACCHHHOOOOOO!!!" Heero fell down from the force of the sneeze, and Trowel grabbed hold of the bed so he wouldn't follow Heero to the ground. "Any idea why you're sneezing like that?" Quarter shook his head.  
  
//My heads all stuffed up tight again.  
  
Oh no, springs back  
  
another dang allergy attack.  
  
I bought some Sudafed it took the whole dern pack  
  
and I still can't breathe and I cough and I hack.//  
  
"I don't have any idea... I just sneezed all of a sudden." Trowel frowned. "And you picked a bad time to do so, too..." Quarter blushed. "What do you mean?" Heero asked. "Erm... Well, we were... You know..." Heero nodded his head. "You were having a staring contest." "Uh... Not exactly." Heero thought hard, and then blushed. "Oh. You were..." "Yup." Duo ran into the room. "HEEEEEEELP! There's a mouse in our room, Heero! EEEEEEEEEEEEK!" "Duo, it's just a mouse. Why are you screaming like that?" Duo frowned. "You go in there and take a look at that mouse. It's scary. It's got big, round, black eyes... And it's got a long tail... It's got brown fuzzy hair. And, worst of all, it's really really fast!" Heero sighed and led Duo back to their room. Soon after he did, the two boys ran back into Quarter and Trowels room. "HEEEEEEEELP! Duo's right... It's scary... Trowel? Could you get rid of it? Pleeeeeeeease?" Trowel went to their room and returned with a tiny brown mouse holding a piece of cheese. "EEEEEEEK! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!" Heero screamed.  
  
//I wanna live where the grass don't grow  
  
I'm sick and tired of blowin' my nose.  
  
Never again will you hear me go ACHOO!//  
  
Quarter sneezed, and the force of the sneeze caused Heero to be pushed forward until he was staring the mouse in the face. "Duo... It's gonna kill me.... Look at it's eyes. It's evil, I tell you!" Trowel threw the mouse out the bedroom window. "It's gone! YAY! Thank you, Trowel!" Trowel rolled his eyes and mumbled something under his breath. "Now we have to figure out what's wrong with Quarter." Heero said. "Say 'Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.'" "Uh... Super counted fragments of Lisa are expensive but delicious." "No, that's not right." Heero said. "I know what's wrong. Quarter is having an allergic reaction to this areas plantlife." Duo hit Heero. "Why didn't you just say so in the first place? It would have saved time. All we have to do is go somewhere else." Heero backed into a corner of the room that was covered in shadow. "Ah, yes, but if we did that.... Well, if we did that, there'd be even less of a point to this fanfic than there already is."  
  
//So much congestion in my chest.  
  
doctor said that it might be best  
  
for me to move where the pollen count is low  
  
and the grass don't grow.//  
  
"Uh... So we have to put up with him sneezing until this chapter ends? Crap." Duo said. Heero walked over to Duo slowly. "Yep... Well, let's go back to bed." "We can't just go back to bed, Heero." Duo complained. "Why the hell not?" "'Cause Quarter needs us right now. He's in a lot of pain." Heero glanced at Quarter. "No he's not. See?" Heero pulled the corners of Quarters mouth into a smile. "He's perfectly fine." Then Quarter sneezed again. "Or not... Okay, fine, we won't go back to bed." Heero grumbled. "Well... What about here?" Duo was confused. "What do you mean?" "Can we have sex in here?" "No." Damn it... Heero began pacing back and forth. "Why the hell not?" He asked. "Because I said so." Duo replied.  
  
//(I wonder if Tim McGraw's got any of that  
  
snifflin' night time sneezin' achin' stuffy head  
  
coughin' wake up on top of yer tour bus medicine for me.)//  
  
The Next Day....  
  
"I didn't get any sleep last night... Can I kill someone?" "No, Heero!" Duo said. Then Duos grandmother entered the room. "There's someone here to see you boys." She said, and then she walked away. Duo, being the only one who wasn't about to fall asleep, walked to the front door and opened it. "DADDY!" Haus screamed as he hugged Duo. "Daddy, you forgot to take me when you left." Damn it... I don't know which is worse, the fact that I forgot him, or the fact that he's here. "Uh... HEEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOO!" Duo yelled, and Heero came out of Quarter and Trowels room. "Yeah, what is... Crap. Could this day possibly get any worse?" "Heero, you should be nice to Haus. After all, he is your son." "Yeah, sure, he might be my kid, but he's yours too. And YOU are the mom. Hahahahaha...." Heero fell asleep standing up. "DAAAAAAAAADDDDDYYYYYYYYYY!!! WAAAAAKE UUUUUUUP!!!" Haus shouted. "What?!! Huh?!? Oh, it's you... Why'd you wake me up?" Haus smiled brightly.  
  
//I sold my leaf blower  
  
my two horse power push mower.  
  
Wont see me outdoors this time of year.  
  
This ragweed is gettin' rough  
  
my hay fever's gettin tough.//  
  
"AAAAAACHOOOOOOOO!!!" "Damn it... Quarter's sneezing, that kid's screaming, and I need to sleep." Heero went back to Quarter and Trowels room. Duo and Haus followed him. Well, Duo followed him. Haus just grabbed onto Duos leg and held on tight. "Get off my leg! You've got two of your own! You can walk too, ya know." Haus smiled up at Duo. "Argh..." Duo walked into Quarter and Trowels room, and saw that Quarter seemed to be better. "Hey, Duo, I think I fixed Quarter." Duo gasped in horror. "Whadidyadotoim?!?" Duo asked. "I just gave him some Sudafed. That's all. Now let's go to sleep! Then tomorrow we'll go fishing or something." Trowel and Quarter were already asleep. Haus ran out of the room and went... Well, who knows where he went. He went somewhere. Heero managed to get back to his and Duos room before falling asleep. Duo layed down next to Heero and went to sleep as well.  
  
//I'm all out of Vicks vaporub  
  
and there's dust everywhere  
  
well enough is enough.  
  
I wanna live where the grass dont grow  
  
a big high rise or a small condo.  
  
If I never mow again it'll be too soon.//  
  
Okay, concerning the song, somehow it got cut off there, so I don't know any of the words past that. Concerning the chapter, if it seemed to be slightly lower quality than usual, I'm sorry. I had to write a chapter in three different fanfics today, and for some reason it wasn't as easy as usual. I was only partially inspired. Too inspired to not write, but not inspired enough to write well. So, once again, sorry. But pleeeeease review!!! I need reviews! Reviews are very inspirational. Bye for now! 


	10. Heavy-Weight Fishing

You people are in for it today... I am seriously inspired, as well as quite wired. So heres a fanfic to Cledus T Judd, and however bad, please don't call it mud. It's set to 'Please Take The Girl,' and hey, guess what, it features a squirrel! Doctor Suess has nothing on me, and I'll be right back 'cause I've got to pee... By the way, this is chapter ten, and it features five good looking men.  
  
(I am such a genius...)  
  
When Heero woke up, he had a sudden urge. "Duo! Wake up! We're all going fishing!" Duo woke up. "Why? Why go fishing? AND WHY THE HELL AT 4 AM?!?" Heero glanced at the clock. "Oh... It's that early? Who gives a damn... We'll be the first ones there, that's good, right?" Duo sighed and got dressed while Heero went and woke up the other three pilots and Trace. "Hey, guess what? We're going fishing! So wake up!" Heero yelled as he ran through the house. "And you can come too, Heesa!" After the five gundam pilots, Heesa and Trace had all assembled, Heero passed out all the necessary fishing equipment and then jumped into the drivers seat of the gundam pilots' car. (They all helped to buy it, so I have to call it the gundam pilots' car rather than Heeros car, or Duos car, or something like that.)  
  
//Arnies daddy said he'd take him fishin'  
  
if he'd just dig the bait.  
  
He said get lost dad, I'm watchin' mud wrastlin',  
  
go jump in the lake.//  
  
"Heero? Why are we going fishing? And why do we have to go fishing at 4 am?" Quarter asked. "Well, I just thought of it, I mean, there isn't any particular reason. But hey, it'll be nice and relaxing, and we sure as hell deserve a bit of r and r after all the weird stuff that's been happening to us, right?" The others reluctantly agreed.  
  
(Hey... I just realised something. Today's Valentines Day... So I'll be sure to put lots and lots of nice,Valentines Day-ey things in this chapter.)  
  
//Why don't you take that neighbor girl,  
  
the one that favors our dog?  
  
His dad said son she might sink the boat,  
  
she weighs more than our hog.//  
  
Sicne the author only just now at 3 PM figured out that it's Valentines Day, a heart-shaped box of chocolates and a dozen roses appeared magically in each of the gundam pilots' and Traces hands, and they exchanged them. Heero and Duo switched theirs, Quarter and Trowel switched theirs, and Gufei and Trace switched theirs. They weren't all the same (The chocolates anyways, the roses were pretty much the same), because if they were, it'd be pretty pointless to switch 'em. Each one was the same size, though. If they weren't, feelings might have gotten hurt... Probably not, but I'm the author. If they were different sizes, I'd make them all beat the crap out of each other, and I didn't want to take the time to write that scene. But there were different kinds of chocolates in each box. And not a single box had any coconut ones.  
  
//And Arnie said she's got a tackle box that you'd kill for,  
  
a Zepco rod and reel. She won the junior bass masters tourney,  
  
and I just ate oatmeal, and I'm afraid I might hurl.//  
  
Then Duo (Who was sitting in the front next to Heero) decided it would be a good time ta give Heero a nice, big, french kiss. However then Heero couldn't see to drive, and the car hit something and stopped. "What the hell was that? A tree?" Duo asked as he pulled away from Heero and looked out the front windshield. "No... It doesn't look like we hit anything at all. The car just... Stopped." Heero replied. Heero got out and walked to the front to see why the car stopped. Then a squirrel launched itself from in front of the car, and it latched onto Heeros face. "HEEEEEEEELLPPP!!! IT'S THAT SQUIRREL AGAIN!" Heero stumbled all over the road, unable to see with the squirrel over his eyes. "I'm getting serious Deja-Vu..." Quarter muttered.  
  
//Daddy please, please take the girl.  
  
(I'd rather take a canin' than ta go fishin'!)  
  
Same whiny boy, same large girl, 11 years with no date.  
  
They finally married when they both realised  
  
they'd get a big tax break.//  
  
Duo jumped out of the car and grabbed the squirrel. He carefully removed it from Heeros face, making sure he didn't hurt him (Meaning Heero, not the squirrel). Then Duo held onto the squirrel firmly with both hands and shook it repeatedly for several minutes. "You god damn squirrel! I'll rip your head off, just as soon as I'm done shaking you!" When Duo finally finished shaking the squirrel, and the squirrel had a headache the size of Texas and was ready to throw up, he threw the squirrel to the ground and stomped on it just over twenty times. He picked the squirrel up, spun around in circles, holding the squirrel in one hand, and then let go, and the squirrel flew far, far away. In fact, the squirrel flew right over a rainbow, and got caught in a tornado. The occupants of the car heard it screech for about a minute, and then it was too far away to hear.  
  
//One night at the laundrymat, worshin' underwear,  
  
a stranger pulled a water gun.  
  
Arnie sod another pair (Whoops!) and whimpered.  
  
Ain't got no money in my wallet,  
  
she's got the credit cards.//  
  
"I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Dodo." Heero told the small extinct dodo bird that had appeared by him, and then it vanished. "We aren't. We're in California. Great place, don't ya think?" Trowel informed him. "Oh. Okay, then." Heero and Duo got back into the car, and they continued the drive. Once they arrived at the lake, they piled out of the car, and Heero rented a boat. But, after everyone had gotten their equipment, before they were able to get in the boat, Reelina ran up to them. "Waaaaaaaaaaiiiit! You can't leave without me, can you?" There were a few seconds of silence, and then Heero spoke. "Yes we can." Everyone got on the boat quickly, and Trowel shoved the boat away from the shore so Reelina couldn't get on.  
  
//But they're all run up over the limit, wont get you very far.  
  
And though her hairs up in curls, and she looks Milton Burle, (Another name I can't spell.)  
  
she ain't wearin' fake pearls. Mister please, please, please, please take the girl!//  
  
However they seem to have underestimated Reelina. She swam out to the boat, and climbed on board. "Oh, crap!" The boat capsized, but somehow it capsized after being capsized, which would mean that it ended up right side up. And all their fishing equipment was still on the boat. And the gundam pilots themselves were still on the boat, and they somehow managed to remain completely dry. Reelina, however, had fallen off the boat, gotten soaked, and been hit on the head by the boat, knocking her out. Luckily for her, she was fat enough that she just floated to the shore. "Now to begin the fishing..."  
  
//(Well she ain't bad when she gets a couple coats  
  
of that cold cream on her, and a good sack over her head!)  
  
A toothleth Arnie, a whale of a woman, 40 years down the tube.//  
  
After about an hour had gone by and no fish had been caught, Heesa (Duo's grandma (Got run over by a reindeer... Oops, sorry) of course) felt a tug on her line. "I hooked something!" She pulled and pulled, but she couldn't get it to budge. "It must be a real big one..." She exclaimed, and all of the others helped her to reel it in. Once all of them started pulling, it came about an inch closer. "Maybe a bit too big to be a fish? Maybe her line got caught under a rock or something." Quarter suggested. "No, it's definitely alive, can't you feel it pulling?" Heesa asked. Quarter nodded his head as the thing on the other end of the line tugged. Then the line suddenly became very loose... A bit TOO loose...  
  
//One day they found him with a shotgun  
  
buck naked on the roof.  
  
The doctor said he's lost his mind,  
  
we'll have to take him away.//  
  
"Why'd it go loose all of a sudden?" Heero asked, and then the boat exploded, and all of the occupants flew out into the lake, each one seperated from the others. Before they hit the water and went under, they saw a huge great white chomping down on the boat. "Holy shi..." Heero managed to get out before he hit the water. All the gundam pilots, Trace, and Heesa came up, but when they did, the water was calm. "Where'd it go?!?" Duo screamed, his voice filled with fear, as he turned around, looking for any sign of the shark. Then Heero suddenly dove to the side, and the shark jumped up right where he had been and ate his shoes and socks, which had been knocked off Heero when he fell into the water. The shark dove back under the water and Heeros shoes and socks floated back up to the surface. "Guess he didn't like the taste any more than I like the smell..." Gufei said.  
  
//As they strapped that strait jacket on him,  
  
someone heard him say.  
  
Eep bow boo laow pow,  
  
if you lived with her long as I have,  
  
you'd be slap crazy too.//  
  
Heero swam towards Gufei as fast as he could so he could hit him, and the shark once again dove out of the water right where Heero had been a split second before. Heero was close enough, however, that one of its teeth got caught on Heeros tank top and pulled it right off him. Heero dove underwater and saw the shark coming right for him. He dodged the shark just in time yet again, but the shark missed by such a small amount of space that its teeth ripped right through Heeros spandex shorts, and then they fell off. (Hehehe... Heeros naked! Good sharky...) Heero swam up towards the surface as the shark turned around, and the shark jumped out above the water the same time Heero did. Heero cleared the shark by a foot (And the other gundam pilots, Trace, and Heesa got a nice view of him with no clothes on).  
  
//She's the one that's really a psycho,  
  
more than a few screws loose.  
  
She's nutty as a squirrel.  
  
Doctor please, please take the girl!  
  
(Get her out of here!)//  
  
Heero fell back down, and landed on the sharks back. He grabbed onto its fin (I think it's called a dorsal fin, but it's been a long time since I bothered to check up on which fins are which.) as the shark went back underwater. Just like if this was a movie, the camera was over the water, and therefore nobody sees anything but bubbles coming up to the surface, and the reader completely misses out on the fight. After much longer than anyone should be able to hold their breath, Heero surfaced and took a deep breath. "I killed the shark!" Heero swam to the shore where the others were waiting for him. He got out of the water and went to the car. He opened up a suitcase in the trunk and took out a tank top, some spandex shorts, a pair of socks, and some shoes that all looked exactly like the ones the shark had destroyed. He put them on, and then Duo frowned. "Why'd you have to go and put clothes on? I was enjoying the view..."  
  
//Arnies daddy said he'd take him fishin',  
  
if he'd just dig the bait.  
  
Is it Tim McGraw, or John Anderson,  
  
I'm tryin' to imitate? (Sorry Tim.)//  
  
To be continued...  
  
Well? How was it? Review it and tell me. Um... I'm running out of songs, here. I have three more songs, and then I'm out. Unless I get some more off of Napster. Anyways, please review it. I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as I can. If you haven't already, GO READ AND REVIEW MY OTHER FANFICS! *coughcough* Thanks fer yer time, an' don't forget to come back and check for the next chapter to be in. And if you have any suggestions for things for me to write about in either this or another fanfic, tell me. I am always open to suggestions. Especially if they're good. I'll even mention you in the fanfic if you give me the idea for it! I need ideas.... And reviews. I loooooove getting good reviews. Nothing is more inspiring than good reviews. Except maybe the thought of Duo naked... I've talked a lot. I should probably end this chapter now. So long, folks! Y'all come back now, ya hear? REVIIIIEEEEEEWWW!!! 


	11. Coronary Land

if I am unable to go on the internet to add these new chapters, I'm going to spontaneously combust. Or just keep writing until I'm finally able to. Anyways, this is the 11th chapter. Wow. It's set to Cledus T. Judds 'Coronary Life.' Aren't I a genius? Of course I am. And I'm also devilishly handsome. Well, I'm one of the two. Either handsome, or the devil. Not sure which. Now back to the point of this pre-fic paragraph. The point is.... I want you to revew this!!! Now here is the 11th chapter of Christmas, Christmas.  
  
//Cledus at the kitchen table,  
  
short of breath legally disabled.  
  
Wife walks in she's so surprised  
  
can't believe I'm still alive.//  
  
"So, what are we going to do now that we've finished our fishing? Oh, hey, look! The suns finally starting to come up!" Gufei said. "Well, we could go to Disney World." (Note to self: That is a great idea! Write about the gundam pilots going to Disney World.) Heero suggested. "Right, let's go to Disney World... I don't think we have enough gas. Let's go to Disney Land instead. It's closer." Duo advised. "Great idea! You are quite a dynamic Duo. (I couldn't resist, okay?) And then all the gundam pilots, Trace, and Heesa all got into the car (again) and they began the drive to Disney Land.  
  
//I say I'm hungry for biscuits and gravy,  
  
that patty melt that you always made me  
  
but I can't eat that anymore.//  
  
"Trowel, are we there yet?" Quarter asked excitedly. "No. Next time you want to ask someone that, ask Heero. He's driving." 7.23 seconds later, Quarter asked Heero "Are we there yet?" Heero shook his head, and then he saw that squirrel again... "Duo. Look over there! That squirrel is right there in the middle of the road!" Heero grinned demonically and then ran over the squirrel. "Damn it! Lucky squirrel..." Apparently the squirrel was drunk, and it just happened to stumble when Heero got close, and Heero ended up missing it by an inch. "I'll get it next time, though..."  
  
//They say grease kills,  
  
tastes good to me.  
  
Day in day out it's all I eat.//  
  
After a long and rather uneventful ride, they eventually got to Disney Land. "Woooooooowww..." Quarter whispered in awe. The small group approached the front gates, and there was a large line to get inside. "I'm not waiting in a line... Everybody get the hell out of the way!" Heero shouted, waving his gun around. (You know, the one made of metal that shoots bullets. Not the other one.) Everyone in the line ran, and Heero led the others up to the gates and payed the admission fee. "Now let's go in." Once inside, Duo demanded that they went on the most annoying ride in the whole place. The gundam pilots, Trace, and Heesa all got into one of the boats, and then they entered the terrible place. "It's a small world, after all, it's a small world, after all..." Heero pulled out his gun again and began firing bullets everywhere. "Make them stop singing! I can't stand it!" Duo was eventually able to get Heero to stop shooting everything, and kept him from doing so again until the ride ended.  
  
//My third bypass, unclog my bowels,  
  
just to clog them again. Never felt worse,  
  
a constant thirst, lordy how my left arm hurts.  
  
I blame my job, I blame my wife for this coronary life.//  
  
Quarter convinced Trowel to accompany him on the Alice in Wonderland ride, and Duo volunteered to go as well. Trowel and Quarter got in a caterpillar, and Duo got in the one behind them. And then someone sat next to Duo... "Hello, Duo Maxwell." He said. "Oh no! It's..... It's..... It's the Duke of Earl!" The Duke laughed. "Yes, it is I. Will you hold my hand until we get off this ride? Sometimes I get a little scared on it..." Duo refused, and then the caterpillar began to move. "Oh, no.... We're getting close to the singing flowers... They really scare me..."  
  
//Cledus on the E.R. table,  
  
vital signs ain't too stable.  
  
hey doc I'm proud of you,  
  
I didn't think that I'd pull through.  
  
Later in intensive care,  
  
I had the nurses laughing there.//  
  
Elsewhere, Heero was wandering around, looking for something to do. Mickey Mouse walked up to him and attempted to give Heero a hug, but Heero dodged. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" Heero asked. "You shouldn't talk like that. It isn't polite. And I was only trying to give you a hug! Come here and give ol' Mickey a greeeeeaaaat big hug!" Mickey wrapped his arms around Heero and squeezed him tightly. "If you... Don't get... Away from... Me I'll... Kill you... You big... Fat rat..." Heero managed to get out. "Now, now. That wasn't a very nice thing to say." Heero escaped Mickeys hug and then proceeded to beat him up. Heero punched and kicked Mickey repeatedly, and everyone nearby stopped what they were doing and watched him beat up Mickey. "Mommy, than guy isn't being very nice! He's hurting Mickey!" A little girl said between sobs.  
  
//So thankful blue cross will pay,  
  
for the bills, my IVs, four thousand dollar EKG's.  
  
That's the last  
  
time I'll need  
  
HEO plastique.// (ARGH, I really hate this, this is the most uncertain spelling/word-wise I've ever been...)  
  
"So, you aren't seeing anyone, are you?" Heesa asked Gufei. "Yes I am, and he's right here next to me." Gufei pointed to Trace, who waved at Heesa. "Oh... Well, you aren't seeing anyone are you?" She asked him again. "What, do you have alzheimers or something?!? I just said no!" "You did? Oh, I'm sorry. But, uh, you aren't seeing anyone, are you?" Gufei turned and kissed Trace. "Damn it... I guess it was too much to hope for..." Heesa sighed, and walked off somewhere on her own. Gufei and Trace found there way to a section of the park in which Winnie the Pooh was giving out autographs. "Trace! Let's go see Winnie the Pooh!" Trace agreed, and the two ran to the large yellow bear.  
  
//It's off I go,  
  
to Tae Bo,  
  
to improve my cardios.  
  
It's 'bout time I said goodbye,  
  
to my coronary life.//  
  
"So, I wonder if there are any cute guys around here that aren't gay..." Heesa began her search. She approached every good looking guy she saw and asked "Hi. Are you gay?" If the answer was no, she'd continue with "Are you seeing anyone?" And if they said no again, she'd ask "Do you want to go out with me?" But the answer to that question was always no. "Damn it!" She exclaimed, after she had given up and sat on a bench. "I'm getting pissed off. I'm not going to leave here until I get a cute guy to go on a date with me." Then... Ah, crap... Think of a movie star type person, fast... Okay. Then Leonardo DiCaprio approached her. "Hi." He said. "Will you go on a date with me?" Heesa nearly fainted. "You bet I will!" "Now, keep in mind, I'm only doing this to convince everyone that I'm not gay. And we can't be out any later than 7, because I have a date with my boyfriend at 7 30. Okay?" Heesa frowned, but she agreed, and they walked off somewhere together.  
  
//Sweats pourin' off me at the health spa,  
  
the stair master's wore me out again.  
  
You know I can't believe how much I miss  
  
the way I used to live.//  
  
After Duo, Quarter,Trowel and the Duke of Earl all had exited the ride, Duo asked Quarter and Trowel if they wanted to go on Splash Mountain. "Sure. But only If Quarter wants to go, too." Duo turned his gaze to Quarter. "Well... If Trowel's going, I'll go too." Then the Duke of Earl asked if he could go too. "Quarter, Trowel? Do you think we should let him come?" Quarter quickly said they should let him go too, but Trowel had to think it over for a while. "If he promises not to sing, I guess it's okay with me..." The Duke promised that he would not sing on the ride, and so the four of them went and got into the line for Splash Mountain. "Hey, Heero, you decided to go on Splash Mountain too, huh?" Duo asked when he saw Heero right in front of them in the line. "Yeah... I had to get away from Mickey. He managed to get my gun, and now he's trying to kill me." Duo was puzzled. "Why?" "Probably because I beat him up, but I guess it could be something else." Duo snickered.  
  
//I'd eat red meat,  
  
pickled pigs feet,  
  
always craving somethin' sweet,  
  
my food was fast,  
  
but that's the past,  
  
I can't eat that again.  
  
Areobicise, reduce my thighs,  
  
no more german chocolate pies.//  
  
Gufei and Trace, whiile heading towards Winnie the Pooh, saw a fat woman sitting on a bench, breathing heavily. She looked up at them, and they saw that it was Relena. "They... They said I couldn't.... Couldn't eat any of the things I like anymore. They made me join a weight loss organization. It's called Fat Losers, and I'm supposed to lose fat as a fat loser. But I can't do that without excercising and eating salads and stuff. Can you help me?" Gufei refused to help her, but Trace, being a kind man, gave her a salad. "I don't want a salad! I want pickled pigs feet! And pizza! And greasy, juicy hamburgers! And a tub of whipped cream! And a box of chocolate ding dongs! And a german chocolate pie... Oh, I have to have a german chocolate pie!" Gufei and Trace ran and hid behind Winnie the Pooh.  
  
//I miss my fudge, I miss my fries,  
  
and my coronary life.//  
  
The four gundam pilots and the Duke of Earl went on Splash Mountain, and when the ride ended, the duke left. Then Heero, Duo, Quarter, and Trowel went and found Gufei and Trace, and they went on all the rides they could before they got too tired to continue, and they went and got a hotel room. "Where's Heesa?" Quarter asked before they headed up to their rooms. "I'm right here. Guess what? I just went on a date with Leonardo DiCaprio!" Heero frowned. "Isn't he gay?" "Yes. That's why he went out with me, so everyone would be convinced that he isn't gay." Then Quarter and Trowel went to their room, Heero and Duo to theirs, Trace and Gufei to theirs, and Heesa got a room all by herself, and went to bed feeling very lonely. (Awwww.... Poor Heesa.)  
  
To be continued...  
  
Well, there it is. Don't forget to review it! Okay? All right then. Now I think I'll end this chapter without doing too much more talking. Hope you liked it, review it, goodbye, and review it is all I have to say for now. (REVIEW!!!) Byebye. 


	12. And The Chipmunk Said

Argh... This is the third time I've had to rewrite this opening paragraph. I don't know why. I never rewrite anything else. Always the opening and ending paragraphs... Ah, whatever. This is the 12th chapter to Christmas, Christmas. It is set to Cledus T. Judds 'Every Light in the House is Blown.' Read and review, people, read and review... Doesn't that just annoy the crap out of you when people do that? They say something, they say the name of who they're talking to, and then they repeat what they just said. Annoooooooooying! Well, anyways, here is the next chapter...  
  
//I told you I'd leave some flares on,  
in case you ever wanted to find my home.//  
  
It was the night before 3 weeks after Christmas, and all through the Disney Land hotel not a creature was stirring except five gundam pilots, an old lady, and a stencil maker/chef. "Hey, Heero? What're we gonna do next?" Duo asked. Heero removed a few sheets of paper from his suitcase. "Hmmm... Well, it says here that the author is completely out of ideas. And he isn't quite sure what to write about concerning 'Every Light in the House is Blown.' Therefore he is just going to write the song lyrics in between paragraphs, and they shall have nothing to do with the actual fic itself." Duo nodded his head. "Interesting... Uh... Heero, I'm hungry." "Uh... Well, get something to eat. Here in the fine print it says... Hmmm... This is interesting. The song may actually have something to do with the fic..."  
  
//You frowned and said well the dang law should arrest ya.  
Now this old house keeps fallin' apart,  
so I went down to the local Wal Mart  
and bought this coal and lantern to impress ya.//  
  
Duo remembered something and grabbed Heero by the arm. "Heero, we're going downstairs!" Duo ran from the room and down 6 floors dragging Heero behind him. Once they got to the lobby, they found that Quarter and Trace had had the same idea. Quarter had dragged Trowel downstairs, and Trace had forced Gufei and Heesa to go with him. "We get to have breakfast with the guys in the dorky costumes! Yay!" The gundam piltos (and Heesa and Trace) walked around the park looking for the correct building. Once they found it, they entered and sat at a table where they were soon joined by Goofy and a chipmunk with a red nose. "Hey, chipmunk dude, who're you?" Duo asked. A mechanical voice emanated from the things mouth and said "I am Chip." Duo nodded his head. "Oh, from the rescue rangers."  
  
//Cause every light in the house is blown.  
I keep on a clappin' but they dont clap on,  
the house looks like where the ______ live,  
there's really no point to pay the power bill.//  
  
Once they had all eaten their breakfast and idly chatted with some of the more bored costumed poeple, the gundam pilots, Heesa, and Trace decided to leave. Trace was the first one to the door, but when he reached it, it would not open. Then the lights went out. "It's a trap!!' Heero yelled, and then ran around hitting eeryone in the room wearing a costume. He hit the chipmunk costume, and sparks flew from its head. "What the hell?! That isn't supposed to happen!" Several more chipmunks entered the room. "We are the chippydroids. We were sent here by our master, the squirrel you have been trying to kill." One of the chipmunks said. "Damn it... We're trapped in here with some of that squirrels assassins..." Trowel said. Then the most horrible, terrible being in the entire universe entered the room, dragging a tied up and gagged person behind him.  
  
//'Cause every light in the house is blown.  
The numbers wont even light up on my telephone,  
'cause every light in the house is blown.//  
  
"Gariagaya!!" Quarter gasped. "Yes, it is I, Gariagaya, brother of Mariamaia. (Don't have a damn clue how to spell her name.) I have come here to destroy you all. Especially you, Heero Yuy. Very clever, faking your death like that, very clever indeed... Oh, I almost forgot... I brought someone you may remember..." Gariagaya grinned and held up the person he had drug in behind him. "Duo! But Duo's over here..." The Duo next to Heero fell apart, and the squirrel climbed out of his head. "No, that's just a squirrel inside a robot." The squirrel ran to Gariagaya and attacked him. It bit into his flesh and ripped at him with its razor-sharp claws. "AHHHHH!!! HEEEEEEELP!!!" Then Trace shook his head and sighed. "I told you, didn't I tell you? It's got big sharp teeth, I told you, but did you listen? Noooooooooo, of course not, it's just a harmless little bunny rabbit." The others all stared at Trace. "Oh, sorry, I guess I watched that movie a few too many times..."  
  
//It got awful dang depressing,  
the bulbs all blew out one by one,  
and I just cant afford right now to replace them.  
Until then I'll sit here in the dark,  
'cause I can't get this ol' generator to start.//  
  
The squirrel finished its feast and turned its eyes towards the gundam pilots. "Uh... Trowel, you go kill it." Quarter whispered as he pushed Trowel forward. "Hell no! Heero, you go kill it. It's got your boyfriend." Heero thought carefully. "Risk being killed... Or risk Duo being killed... Well, I have a much better record of surviving things noone should be capable of surviving. So I guess I'll go kill it." The chippydroids stepped forward and blocked Heeros way. "Hurry, Trace, act casual!" Heero yelled, and Trace did so. The chippydroids all ran towards Trace. "HEY! Why are they coming after me?" Trace asked as he ran. "You're a nut. So I told you to act casual, and so now they think you're a nut. Which you are. Just not the right kind." Heero focused all of his attention on the squirrel, which stood on its hind legs and hissed at him. (Yes, the squirrel hissed at Heero.)  
  
//I've got four batteries but I don't want to waste them.  
'Cause every light in the house is blown,  
I'd love to sell the place but it can't be shown.  
It looks just like where the Clampitts lived  
before they packed up and moved to Beverly Hills.//  
  
Heeros eyes narrowed into little slits as he stared at the squirrel. The squirrel stared back and continued hissing. Heero took a step forward, and the squirrel prepared to leap. "If you jump on me, I'll kill you, squirrel." Heero muttered. Suddenly Heero had a brilliant idea. "Quarter, listen carefully to me." Heero said, never breaking eye contact with the squirrel. "Take off one of Duos shoes." A few seconds passed. "Okay, now what?" "Now take off the sock." A few more seconds passed. "Okay..." "Now throw the sock over here." Quarter threw Duos sock to Heero, and Heero leapt at the squirrel. The squirrel jumped up at Heero, and the two met halfway through their leaps. Heero held the sock up to the squirrels nose, and the squirrel immediately passed out. "I knew it would work!" Heero shouted gleefully before his face hit the ground. "OW! I forgot I was in mid-leap..."  
  
//Every light in the house is blown.  
No more readin' country weekly while I'm on the throne,  
'cause every light in the house is blown,  
can't see a thang 'til the crack of dawn.  
The house looks like where Ben Franklin was born  
before he flew a kite in an electrical storm.//  
  
"Hurry! We have to get out of here before that squirrel wakes up!" Heero yelled as he ran towards the door. "HEERO!! GET OVER HERE NOW!!!" Trowel shouted at him. "What? Did the squirrel wake up?" "No. You carry Duo." "Why do I have to carry him?" "Because he's your boyfriend, not mine." "Well you aren't carrying anything, so why don't you carry him?" Trowel shook his head. "No. I'm carrying... Uh..." Trowel hit Quarter on the head repeatedly until he fell to the ground unconcious. "I'm too busy carrying Quarter." Trowel picked up Quarter. "See?" Heero mumbled something under his breath and carried Duo out of the building and out of Disney Land, followed closely by Trowel, Quarter, Trace, Gufei, and Heesa.  
  
//Every light in the house is blown,  
I was hopin' maybe Trace would float me a loan,  
'cause every light in the house is blown.//  
  
Hmmm... Probably not one of the best quality chapters I've written for this fic. But you have to understand that I was completely out of ideas, I haven't written a chapter for this fic in weeks, possibly even over a month, and I wrote this at 5 AM. And I've been thinking about three weeks worth of math and science homework that is due tomorrow that I haven't even started yet... I am in seriously big trouble over that... Or maybe not. Anyways, if ya liked it, tell me. If you didn't, tell me. If you're impartial, tell me. If you attempted to click on a different fic, but accidentally got this one, review it anyways! Then again, if that's the case, you probably aren't reading this... Okay, this is for all the people that aren't reading this; You are all a bunch of retarded asshole. Okay, and for all of you that are reading this, you're my number one customer! Er... Let's see... That was from Jingle All The Way, wasn't it? I watch too many movies... And too many cartoons... And too many tv shows... And too many... Uh... Infomercials? Commercials? Is there a difference? Ack, I've talked too much once again... Oh, by the way, for those of you that care, I've fixed the situation with my boyfriend. For those of you that don't care, [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED]. And now I will shut up and go... To sleep. *Snore* Oops. Uh... Goodbye for now, people! 


	13. Maxwellian Inlaws

Okay, I don't know about you people, but I think my writing has been a little below my usual quality lately. So... I'm gonna try to make this one as good as the originals. I refer to chapters 1 to 8 as 'the originals.' They just seem to be good, and after 8 it seems to me like my writing started getting a little worse. I'm hoping this one'll be good though. Anyways, in the song lyrics, ____ basically means that I didn't quite understand the word. By the way. As I'm writing this, I'm feeling pissed off, and depressed, too. As if you care. Hell, I doubt anyones reading this. If anyone is, I don't know they are, because I haven't gotten any reiews in a while. Argh... I talk way too damn much. On with the fic....  
  
Papa bear looked at Mama bear, and Mama bear looked at Baby bear, and Baby bear looked at the author. "Why the hell are you here?" Papa bear asked. "We're trying to eat our porridge, you moron." (Did I spell that right?) "The author glared at Papa bear. "I'm here to discuss something with you." Papa bear eyed the author suspiciously. "Like what?" "Like that I'm trying to write a fanfic, and I don't have any ideas on how to open it. So I was wondering if you had any ideas." Papa bear nodded his head. "I've got an idea. Start it with 'Once upon a time...' Now leave!" The author left and went over the river and through the woods, but then he took a detour, and so he ended up at his house instead of Grandmothers. "Hey, it's those three blind mice again..." He said as he saw the mice scurrying around on the floor. "I'll put one on the clock and see if it'll hickory-dickory-dock. Hehehe... That reminds me of something... When I see a really cute guy, I get a very stickery-dickery-cock... Er... Well, I'll begin the fic now..."  
  
Once upon a time, five gundam pilots, a stencil maker/chef, and an elderly old fart named Heesa Homo ran from Disney Land after knocking out an evil chipmunk set on killing them all. It was a very dark and stormy night. No, wait... It wasn't night. It was early in the morning. Well, it was a dark and stormy morning... Yeah, that works. It was a dark and stormy morning, and they all ran around like blind mice until they found their car. They all piled into the car and drove like the wind. Heero was driving, so he instinctively went to the place he always went when there was trouble. He drove, crying 'wee, wee', all the way home. When he pulled into his driveway, the car broke down, and though they tried all day, all the gundam pilots and stencil-maker/chefs couldn't put (DAMN IT!!! Who's car did they take? Uh...) Duos car back together again. But then Goldilocks, the 7 year old mechanic from next door, came over with a basket of hamsters for Heero and saw that they needed help with the car. So she put it back together again. Then, all of a sudden, the cliches stopped. For about 2 seconds.  
  
//They're my indian inlaws,  
came to visit me an' my squaw.  
Been here for a month y'all,  
I'm 'bout to lose my mind.//  
  
Heero carried Duo into his house, and the others followed him inside. "Somebody get a cup of cold water to pour on him or something." Heero suggested. Trowel did as he said and then tossed the water onto Duo. "It didn't work..." Trowel noted. "Um... Get a piece of pizza." Duo jumped up, his eyes wide open. "Did somebody say pizza? I heard pizza. I'm hungry!" Then the doorbell rang..... Duo opened the door and saw a girl sscout holding a box of cookies. "Hello, would... You aren't Heero. Who are you? Are you his friend?" Duo grinned. "Nope. I'm his boyfriend." Duo grabbed Heero and kissed him. "Eeeeewww!!! You're gross!" The girl said before running away. "That's the best way I know of to get rid of girl scouts." Duo closed the door, but as soon as he did so, there was another knock. He opened the door again. "Why did you scare my daughter?" A furious woman asked, looking like she was ready to rip Duos head off. "Uh..." Duo kissed Heero again, and the woman ran away. "Works on mothers of girl scouts, too." Then there was another knock...  
  
//I'm sick and tired of her papa,  
eatin' all of my bear claws.  
While he's watchin' old heehaws  
and drinkin' all my wine.//  
  
Heero grabbed Duos hand before it reached the doorknob. "No. I'm answering the door this time." Heero opened the door, and standing right in front of him was Duos mother and father. "Hi. What do you want?" Emma and Uno entered the house. "Well, it got really lonely at our house with mom gone and Zero dead. So we decided we'd move in with you, our favorite son-in-law!" Heero sighed. "Do you have any kids other than Duo?" Emma shook her head. "Has Duo married any guys other than me?" Emma shook her head again. "Then how can I possibly be your favorite son-in-law? I'm your only son-in-law!" Emma frowned. "Now, that's now way to talk to your mother-in-law. Go to your room, young man!" Heero smiled. "Nope. I don't have to. This is MY house." Emma glared at him. "And you can go to YOUR room. NOW." Heero ran out of the room. He entered after a few seconds and glared at Emma. "I don't have to. You aren't the boss of me." Emma glared back. "You're grounded for a week!" Heero grinned. "You can't ground me." Emma was beginning to get angry. "If you don't start being nicer, I'm going to make you and Duo sleep in seperate rooms." Heero frowned. "Okay, fine... By the way, you look lovely in that dress. I like what you've done with your hair, it really brings out your eyes. You're the bestest mother-in-law in the whole wide world."  
  
//I'm gonna scalp her mama,  
makin' long distance phone calls,  
to her friends in Arkansas,  
talkin' on my dime.//  
  
Emma smiled. "Awww... That's nice of you. But I don't look that good..." "You're right, you don't." Emma glared at Heero. "Uh, er, I meant... Well, I meant that you're right, because you don't look that good, you look even better!" Emma smiled again. "Just keep kissing my ass like that and we'll get along just fine." Duo thought hard, and then tapped his mom on the shoulder. "Leave Heero alone, or I'll make you go on a diet. Nothing but salads, all day long. And you'll have to do lots of excercise, too." Emma began crying. "NO! Not a diet! I'll be nice to Heero! I promise!"  
  
//They're my indian inlaws,  
they're drivin me up the dang wall  
usin' all of my dental floss,  
and leave the room smellin' bad.//  
  
Heero grinned. "Wow... He can make girl scouts run in fear... He can make the mothers of girl scouts run at speeds of up to 200 miles per hour... He can even make his own mother shake in her shoes... He is... Duo Maxwell!" Duo smiled. "He can threaten to kill large quantities of people... He doesn't eat nearly as much as me... He never changes clothes... He is... My Heero!" Heero blushed. Duo kissed Heero, and Emma hid behind her husband. "Hey... You aren't the mother of a girl scout, you shouldn't do that." Emma showed Duo several of her girl scout badges. "Oh... You're a girl scout... Suddenly it all makes sense."  
  
//They moved into my wigwam,  
god al mighty they're big ones.  
They order filet mignons,  
and stick me with the tab.  
They're hanging round my teepee  
can't wear my buffalo briefs,  
aint had me no whoopie  
since week before last.//  
  
Uno ran and leapt onto the couch. "You have satellite! Wow!" Heero nodded his head. "The remotes right next to you, knock yourself out." Uno frowned and then slammed his head into the wall, knocking himself unconcious. "Your dad takes things way too literally, Duo." Duo nodded his head in agreement. Then Emma thought of something. "Duo... You can't make me go on a diet even if I'm not nice to Heero." Duo rolled his eyes. "Yeah, whatever. And why's that?" Emma grinned. "Simple. If you're under 18, you can't marry without your parents' consent." Duo smiled. "How dumb are you?" Emmas confusion showed clearly on her face. "If you try to keep the wedding from happening... Well, then I'll have to call the one person who can convince you very quickly to let me marry Heero. I'll call Peg Bundy on you."  
  
//They're my indian inlaws,  
hooked on x-lax and geritall, (Uh... I don't really know how the hell to spell those, so please don't sue me.)  
have to run 'em to the shoppin' mall  
four times a day.  
(every single day seven days a week my nerves are about shot. They are worryin' me to death!)  
Sittin' there clippin' toenails,  
chain smokin' them pal mails,  
wish they'd get them a motel,  
but they're too cheap to pay.  
Pretty soon if they don't leave,  
I'll take a pipe and pop his knee  
like Tanya did Nancy.  
They're skatin' on thin ice.//  
  
Emma stared at her son in shock. "But... But... Damn you! This should not be the way it is... People should not have control of their parents, it should be the reerse. I should be able to ground you, and make you go on diets, and make you excersize, and make Peg Bundy attack you and stuff... It's unfair!" Duo shrugged his shoulders. "Well, you know, if you'd just get along with Heero... I wouldn't have to make all of these threats." Emma glared at Heero. "It's all your fault... You corrupted my little boy! I'll get you, and your little dog too!" Duo Glared at Emma. "Aw, crap... Alright, I'm sorry... I'll be nice to Heero..."  
  
//I'll take my bow and arrow,  
pretend I'm shootin' at a sparrow,  
I might miss it, uh-oh,  
hit her mommas behind.  
They're my indian inlaws,  
might be kin to Tim McGraw  
but they ain't kin to me, naw,  
might have to leave my wife.  
'Cause my indian inlaws  
came to visit me an' my squaw,  
been here for a month y'all  
'bout to lose my mind.//  
  
One Day Later....  
  
Duo had decided to take Heero, Quarter, and Trowel on a little road trip. And so they left Gufei, Trace, and Heesa behind with Duos parents and left at 9 AM. "Uh, Duo, where exactly are we going?" Trowel asked. "I dunno. I guess we'll figure that out when we get there." At that, Quarter held on tightly to Trowel and closed his eyes tightly. Trowel listened closely and heard Quarter whispering "Please don't let me die..." Over and over again. Then there was a ringing from somewhere in the car. "Hmmm... Someone called me on my cellphone... I wonder who it is?" Duo wondered aloud as he picked up the phone...  
  
//(1 little 2 little 3 little indians, 4 little 5 little 6 little indians, 7 little 8 little 9 little indians, 10 little indian inlaws.)(Oh no, here comes her brother,and her other brother, and then there's her sister brought her aunt Essie with her, and she's got two kids and they brought two friends, the whole tribes a comin'! Couldn't they just have made a reservation?!?)//  
  
Hehehe... Ahem... This concludes the 13th chapter of Christmas, Christmas. Be sure to continue looking for more, 'cause I just got 9 new songs to base my chapters on. Hehehe... Uhm... Bye! 


End file.
